Along the Wind
by pressuredtreasure
Summary: Just as everything around Mikan Sakura seems to be falling apart, Natsume Hyuuga provides an outlet to her problems: running.
1. Do You Run?

**Disclaimer: **

All rights belong to the brilliant Higuchi Tachibana, creator and of course, owner of Gakuen Alice.

**Author's Note:** This is my first fic and I'm basically writing it as I go, though I do have a general idea of the story. Slight OOC especially Mikan and Natsume; but I'm tired of reading a happy-go-lucky Mikan and a brooding Natsume, so I decided to shake things up a little bit. Enjoy!

* * *

Mikan Sakura woke with a start. Her heart was hammering and her hair was sticking to her skin. It was still dark in her room and so _so_ quiet. As she tried to steady her breathing, she searched for her cellphone, buried somewhere under her pillows.

3:24AM. No notifications- not that she expected any. Nobody really contacted her anymore ever since _that_. She was something to be pitied, but never approached. And moving to a new school where her uncle's the principal would not change anything despite her uncle's assurance. Once word got out that Mikan is an orphan child with no one left but her uncle, who might as well be a stranger to her, everyone will treat her the same. She hated it. She missed the city already.

Trying to sleep seemed useless now as Mikan felt wide awake, so she rose from her bed, adjusted her eyes to the dark and watched her newly assigned room. A nice queen bed at the center, a study table by the door, an ensuite bathroom, a wardrobe and her luggage opened and still unpacked by its side. No trinkets, no decoration. Nothing personal. Granted, its only been less than 24 hours, but Mikan felt like she'll never make the effort anyway.

Just as her mind started to feel hazy, Mikan started listing in her head. It was a habit she got into after her mom taught to make a list everytime things get too overwhelming. It helped her sort her thoughts but these days, the list seems counterproductive:

**Reasons Alice Academy is a shit hole:**

The water tastes different.  
The room is too stuffy.  
This new bedsheet itches like hell.  
I have a stranger for an uncle.  
I'm turning 17 soon without a mother to celebrate with.  
No more mom's homemade cakes.  
No more mom's horrid singing.  
No more mom.  
Mom's gone.  
Mom's gone.

_Mom's gone_.

Feeling that listing didn't help, Mikan opted for a second option: smoking. It was something she picked up after her mom died and Mikan knew it wasn't the best way to cope, but no one's there to guide her anymore so screw it. Just as she was about to light a cigarette, Mikan saw a smoke detector on the ceiling. "Fuck," she breathed. Now that nicotine was already calling for her, Mikan sighed as she grabbed her jacket and went out the door.

* * *

"Seems like this place really does not want me to smoke, huh," Mikan spotted smoke detectors placed strategically throughout the hall rooms, stairs and common lounge. Feeling there was no other option, she walked out of the dorm building and headed for a bench not far from the main entrance.

Once lit, Mikan breathed in the smoke and sighed. Looking up, the stars were so clear unlike back at home. But again, Mikan still felt it was too quiet and it made her unnerved. In the city, there was always noise. Cars passing, dogs barking, sometimes sirens and alarms. Mikan is fully aware that those were all noise pollution but the interruptions became like lullabies to her, and it certainly stopped her thoughts to fully encase her.

When the cigarette was halfway done, Mikan heard the main entrance opening and steps coming towards her. Dimly thinking whether smoking was actually allowed in campus or not, Mikan hoped it wasn't her uncle. Then again, there was no reason for her uncle to be in her dorm at 4 in the morning. Everyone she's related to was already dead.

Instead, it was a boy. He had black hair that seemed effortlessly slick and eyes that even in the dark Mikan could tell was a striking crimson. Fine jawline and very kissable lips. This boy was nothing short of handsome. He was wearing sports attire and looked confused to see Mikan. "A runner's build," she thought to herself, adding another point to what seemed a long list of this guy's attractiveness.

"Is it too late or too early to be smoking?" he asks. He looked unsure whether it was a good idea to be talking to her.

Mikan shrugged, uncaring that this guy caught her smoking within the premise (she was still unsure whether the campus actually allowed smoking or not). "Probably too late."

Silence. Why was this guy still standing there? Mikan thought giving a short reply would make him go away, but he still stood there as if waiting for a nonexistent conversation. "And you?" Mikan added, "Way too early for a morning run, no?"

"No, this is an early morning run."

"Right."

Thinking this guy had too much chivalry to leave her alone, Mikan decided to end his misery. She stood up and headed for the main entrance. "Well, I'm leaving now. Happy running, I guess."

When she neared the entrance, the boy called, "Do you run?"

And out of all things, that made Mikan laugh, "No."

As soon as she reached her bed, sleep came for her not long after.

* * *

**A/N: **End of chapter 1! I'm really considering this fic as a platform to polish my writing skills and creativity. A lot of this are on-the-whim ideas and of course with reference of other things here and there. Hope you read and review!


	2. I Just Want to Be

**Disclaimer****: **Characters rightfully belong to Higuchi Tachibana, creator of Gakuen Alice.

**Author's Note: **I feel like this fic is more character-driven rather than plot-driven. As I said, I'm writing this as I go. Enjoy!

* * *

As soon as Mikan woke up for class, she thought of the boy she dubbed as attractive runner guy and his question. Just as she answered, Mikan does not run. At least, not anymore. She used to be in the track and field club in middle school and joined a few marathons but that was as far as she went. It wasn't like she was particularly passionate about it, which seemed unlike the attractive runner guy. Anyone who bothered to wake up that early just to go for a run had a passion Mikan could not deem she will ever have. Anyway, she was smoking now. It doesn't seem like she's in such good form to be running now.

Thinking she really had hit rock bottom by choosing cancer sticks instead of prioritising her health, Mikan started what seemed a long walk to the campus building, bracing for her first day. The thought of having to assimilate and making new friends made her tired already.

Mikan wondered again of the attractive runner guy. Although they barely exchanged words, she hoped at least there was a familiar face and started to regret her previous unfriendliness towards him. "You really need to work on your social skills," she mumbled to herself.

The campus building structure was simple enough, so Mikan found her class with 10 minutes to spare. Suddenly, Mikan felt very underdressed- she was wearing a striped long sleeve shirt, jeans and her favourite pink Converse. Her hesitance caused a block to the class entrance.

"Are you just going to stand there and have the class outside instead?" a stony voice said.

Mikan practically jumped out of the way. "Sorry," she addressed the source: a girl with sleek crop shiny black hair and violet eyes- Mikan knew she can never lie to this person without getting caught- was scrutinizing her. This lady (calling this person a girl seemed too immature) was wearing a chic blue peplum blouse, black fitted slacks and high heels. Mikan mentally swore, "Shit, I really am underdressed."

"She didn't mean that," a boy came running towards them. "Right, Hotaru?"

This Hotaru looked once at the boy and went into class.

The boy merely laughed, as if being ignored was the funniest thing that ever happened to him. He had such a huge grin that Mikan was surprised it could fit his face. Topped with his messy dirty blond hair and casual attire (this made Mikan feel better), this boy looked like the epitome of carefree. "Anyways, I'm Kokoro Yome and that sweetheart just now is Hotaru Imai. You must be the new girl Naru told us!" he offered his hand.

Mikan nodded and reached out to shake his hand. "Mikan Sakura. So, uh, Yome-"

"Psh, only scammers call me Yome! My mom calls me Kokoro but only when she's angry. Everyone else calls me Koko," and what Mikan thought was a handshake actually turned out for Koko to hold her hand and dragged her into class. "I can call you Mikan, right? I mean, its only fair since I let you call me Koko,"

Koko was talking way too fast for a nervous Mikan to comprehend and as soon as she got dragged to the front of the class, Koko draped his arm around her and announced, "Everyone, this is Mikan! Mikan, this is everyone."

'Everyone' in the class wasn't the whole class, but a few people who Mikan could just tell are a close-knit group. Did Koko really think all these people could accept her in what seemed already a full squad? All Mikan could do was lamely wave at them.

A girl with pink hair giggled. "You're clearly making her nervous, Koko," She then turned to Mikan with a welcoming smile, "Hey, I'm Anna." Koko then continued to introduce everyone to Mikan. Mikan didn't remember all of them yet, but their smiles toward her, well, except Hotaru who ignored them but she suspected this was simply Hotaru's default, made her feel warm and slightly confident.

Koko took the liberty of saving Mikan a seat beside him and as she silently listened to his ongoing chatter of how the gang knew each other since middle school, waves of people came in and lastly, two boys entered. The first one was a blond, clearly mixed heritage- _French?_, looked exactly how Mikan imagined Prince Charming would be. "Hotaru, you left me again," he frowned as he made a beeline to Hotaru.

And the last one was the attractive runner guy. Mikan was right before, he really had striking eyes and as soon as he looked at her, Mikan involuntarily blushed.

"See, that lapdog of Hotaru is Ruka Nogi," Koko continued his duty as the self-elected spokesperson.

Ruka knocked Koko's head before smiling at Mikan, "Ruka's fine."

Koko, undeterred, pointed at the attractive runner guy, who was making his way towards them. And when Koko announced his name, Mikan thought _finally._ "Natsume Hyuuga. Not much of a talker, but he'll open up soon enough!"

Ruka snickered, "Yeah, by soon you mean in his death bed."

Natsume rolled his eyes at the jibe and looked at Mikan. He seemed to recognise her from the early morning encounter and offered her a curt nod. He then took the seat right behind her.

As a smiling Mikan made a mental list of all the names she just learned, a teacher came in and announced everyone to settle down.

* * *

The lecture was simple enough. The rest of the class quickly got over the new girl and Mikan can't helped feeling relieved that Koko was an adamant force beside her. He kept the conversation going on well between them with Ruka and Anna interjecting sometimes.

Just as Mikan suspected, this group of people was really a whole gang. They were clearly very close to each other and did almost everything together. Thankfully, they accepted Mikan well and included her during lunch. Now, those who had finished class earlier made their way back to the dormitory.

"So, what do you think of your first day, Mikan?" Ruka asked. He was holding Hotaru's right hand while Hotaru was occupied with her cellphone. Koko was skipping on Mikan's other side and Natsume walked along albeit a little behind.

"Good," Mikan said. Then thinking she should at least be more open to them for their great accommodation to her, Mikan added, "I mean, better than I expected. I didn't really expect to be making friends this fast."

Ruka smiled. Meanwhile, Koko positively beamed, "You know what, Mikan? I've decided to keep you forever! From now on, I'm bringing you everywhere I go, including the theatre club. That'll at least tamper those snobbish sods."

"Hey," Ruka reprimanded, "You calling me a sod too?"

"A snobbish one, to be exact," Hotaru interjected with a slight smile.

"Well yeah! Those guys think they're so good or something. Mikan can help me bring my spirits up!" said Koko.

"I'm not really into theatre, but I would love to see you both act one day," Mikan offered as an alternative. She would honestly rather die than act on stage. Mikan's reply made Koko happy enough but she suspected this will not be the end of it.

"What about running?"

Mikan was surprised to hear Natsume's question. He usually kept quiet and only spoke when he was addressed to.

She turned and replied, "I don't run."

"You look like you do."

"I don't."

Natsume looked clearly unconvinced. What's with this guy? It's like he's trying to recruit her for some kind of event.

"Ignore him, Mikan. Natsume's whole life revolves around running and he gets a little cultish about it," Ruka jokingly cautioned.

Koko sniggered, while Natsume merely shrugged.

"I'm still new here so I don't think I'll be joining any clubs anytime soon. I just want to _be_ for a while, you know?"

Ruka and Koko hummed their understanding. Hotaru actually looked up from her cellphone to Mikan. Natsume said nothing. And just like that, Mikan felt drained and longed for her 'nothing personal' stuffy bedroom.

* * *

**A/N:** Mikan makes an unlikely first friend! I really like Koko's character and I think he's the funniest among them all. I didn't introduce the whole gang because honestly I'm still learning to sort of 'move' these characters and afraid that too many of them would make it too awkward. But they're all still together, just for now not making an obvious appearance yet.


	3. I'll Help

**Disclaimer****: **Characters rightfully belong to Higuchi Tachibana, creator of Gakuen Alice.

**Author's Note: **Chapter 3 is up and I'm pretty happy with this one. Read til the end to find out why! Hehe

* * *

Mikan and her mother, Yuka used to tell each other almost everything. Their days, Mikan's life, Yuka's workplace and the goons that worked with her, any latest gossips. Even when Mikan failed her exams she wasn't afraid to tell Yuka. The only thing they rarely talk of is Mikan's father. He died before she was born and all Mikan knew that he was a loving husband. Her mother rarely talked about him and to be honest, Mikan didn't mind at all. Yuka was everything to her and that was enough.

Mikan was in PE class when a teacher called to her privately to announce her mother's death due to a car accident and took her to the hospital. Her uncle was already there and seeing her mother in that state was the worst thing in her life. Mikan couldn't breathe. She remembered her uncle's hand on her shoulder that day. It was the best thing he could offer. They were never close but it seemed that Yuka and uncle Kazumi kept in contact and he was assigned as Mikan's next of kin.

Since then, everything around Mikan seemed bleak. She lost her mother, _her best friend_ and that was what everyone in her school talked about. Mikan's friends became careful - though she knew it was an act to respect her grief - and everyone walked on eggshells around her. _Poor girl. Pity child_; the neighbours would say.

Since then, Mikan always went straight home after school. And like some sort of ritual, as soon as she got home, she would peek into the kitchen, linger in her mother's bedroom, then sit in the living room watching TV on low volume, as if expecting to hear Yuka's voice calling her. Some days, Mikan would simply lie in bed, dinner forgotten. This was when Mikan started smoking. It acted as a filler and helped keep her anxiety at bay, even for a while.

Mikan remained in her house in the city for three months with her uncle visiting regularly. It felt like a warden doing regular check ups on his troubled students. But being the principal to a prestigious academy far away, it was hard for him to always come by.

"Would you like to transfer to Alice Academy?" uncle Kazumi asked her during one of their silent dinner.

Mikan wasn't surprised with the offer. She knew it was coming. She loved the city, its her home but the idea of transferring wasn't so appalling now that she has no one left. So, Mikan agreed. She felt like this was the least she could do for her uncle as her current legal guardian.

* * *

Its been almost a month since she started in Alice Academy.

"My classes are good and I've got some friends whose been helping me out a lot," Mikan told her uncle while they were having lunch together at the dorm's cafeteria.

People were staring at Mikan and her uncle - _is that the principal?_ \- and she can't help but squirm. It was a Saturday, a lot of the students were coming in the cafeteria to grab a late breakfast or an early lunch.

"That's good to hear. If you need any help, do contact me whenever you wish," said uncle Kazumi who remained unbothered by the attention he was getting.

Mikan nodded and glanced at his impassive face. She supposed it's not that weird for him to be eating with her. "He's your uncle, for God's sake," Mikan chided herself. Plus, her friends and classmates were already aware of her relation to the principal. It was revealed to Mikan two weeks ago that one of the teachers had informed the class the day before Mikan transferred.

"We were expecting a total teacher's pet but it seems that title is still reigned by Iinchou here," Hotaru panned while Tobita Yuu who was passing turned red.

Mikan almost smiled at the memory of Hotaru's callousness and reverted her attention to her uncle. There was clearly nothing else to talk about but their food was only halfway done.

"The lunch set here is quite good. Is the dinner set just as well?"

Mikan thought this was the worst small talk she ever had to endure. "Yeah, they're all pretty good," she lied.

Not that the dinner set really wasn't good, its just that Mikan wouldn't know. She's never been down for dinner ever since she started here. Just like back at home, Mikan would head straight to her room after class, but instead of the ritual, she would sleep long hours well into midnight then wake up only to satisfy her nicotine addiction.

It was never Mikan's intention to avoid her friends after class. She liked all of them especially Koko, Ruka, Hotaru and even Natsume. They had most of their classes together and Koko kept his word to Mikan of bringing her everywhere he goes. Ruka was always a universally nice person while Hotaru's personality was slowly growing on Mikan. And Natsume, well, Mikan would not lie to herself that she still found him very attractive.

Last week, they all went to support Natsume who had joined a running marathon held outside of campus. The weather was sweltering, but seeing Natsume reached the finish line felt so much hotter. Even thinking of this particular memory made Mikan feel warm.

The problem was, as much as she really does enjoy their company, Mikan can't help but feel physically drained afterwards. It was like having a rotten social battery that needs charging every few hours. So, Mikan slept. And no one ever asked where she would disappear at night (eating outside campus was nothing out of the ordinary) so Mikan kept it to herself.

Once lunch and the horrific small talk ended, Mikan thanked her uncle for visiting and retreated to her room.

* * *

It seems to Mikan her Saturday will be quite uneventful. She pretty much stayed in her room all day, mindlessly scrolling through social media and saw Ruka's Instagram story of he and Hotaru on a date while Koko's Snapchat consisted a series of videos of him applying different filters on random people while he accompanied his mother on a business dinner.

It was almost 9PM and Mikan kept holding off going to the convenience store to buy a new pack of cigarettes. When she could no longer ignore the constant tingling in her hands and the angry pangs of nicotine craving, Mikan slipped on a green hoodie and black yoga pants and made her way to the nearest convenience store outside campus (obviously the ones inside campus don't sell cigarettes).

Mikan's entrance to the store was accompanied by a small bell jingle. Realising she haven't had dinner yet, she grabbed a fizzy drink and a bag of chips.

"One pack of Camel, please," Mikan told the cashier as he packed her items in a plastic bag. As Mikan dug through her purse for some cash, she absently heard another jingle. "Here you go. Thanks."

She walked out without looking and stopped right outside to lit a cigarette. Mikan felt instant relief after the first drag and decided to enjoy the cold air for a while.

The store bell jingled again and this time Mikan looked at the source. To her surprise, it was Natsume coming out of the store. He was wearing a black windbreaker with dark grey sweatpants. "He probably just finished his nightly jog," she deduced. Mikan also noticed Natsume holding an energy drink and a granola bar.

"Hey," Natsume went to her, "I saw you inside just now."

"Oh, uh- sorry. I didn't see you."

Natsume shook his head and stood beside her. Mikan held up her cigarette, wordlessly asking if he minded the smoke and Natsume shook his head again.

"People were raving about the principal having lunch in the dorm's cafeteria just now."

Mikan groaned. "Ugh, they better get used to it then because he insists on making that a weekly thing."

Natsume let out a small snort and Mikan laughed. "I guess its nice of him though. He puts in a lot of effort for me and I have to appreciate that."

"I'm sorry." Natsume's sudden apology took Mikan by surprise.

"What for?"

"For your loss."

"Oh," No one in the academy had ever addressed this topic with Mikan and Natsume's sudden condolence made Mikan feel very vulnerable. "I- um, thank you, but I'm fine now."

"You're not."

"What?"

"You're not fine. You haven't been eating." Natsume eyed Mikan's plastic bag in her hand.

Mikan who had been taking a drag, coughed. "Wh- yes, I have! C'mon, Natsume, I always have lunch with you guys and multiple eye witness can vouch for me that I had lunch in the cafeteria today."

"One meal, a bag of chips and cigarettes does not count as eating, Mikan."

Busted. Had Natsume always known Mikan had been skipping dinner all this while?

Mikan didn't know what to say. Instead, she took slow drags while Natsume continued to look at her.

"Running helps."

"Really, Natsume? You're starting to annoy me with all these recruitment attempts." She wanted to send him a glare, but his gaze dismantled her. The lights from the store illuminated Natsume just on the right places as his handsome features became much more prominent. Mikan turned her head away, calling her heart to calm the fuck down.

She then sighed, "I don't think anything can help me for now." Her last drag of the cigarette tasted like total defeat.

"I'll help."

Mikan never thought she needed to hear someone say that until Natsume did. She had been feeling helpless ever since she lost her mom, but the idea of asking for help never crossed her mind. She always thought the helplessness would gradually fade away. _Time heals __all wounds_, thats what her mom's stupid coworkers said to her during the funeral.

Mikan looked up to see Natsume's eyes. _So red_, she thinks. _So real_. Was this guy really serious?

Maybe Natsume wore her out, maybe this was Mikan's point of weakness, maybe something in her realised she should get help, because Mikan relented, "Okay."

Natsume thought _finally._

He gave her a small smile and nodded. Natsume jerked his head to the direction of campus, and they walked back together.

Suddenly, he grabbed Mikan's plastic bag and opened her bag of chips.

"Hey!" Mikan hit Natsume on the shoulder.

Natsume just smirked, "Consider this bag of chips as payment."

As they walked together, shoulders casually bumping, it seems to Mikan her Saturday was not as uneventful as she initially thought.

* * *

**A/N: **Aaand thats the end of this chapter! Hehe finally a little action for NatsuMikan huh? Hope you guys enjoyed and drop me a review :)


	4. Go Big or Go Home

**Disclaimer****: **Characters rightfully belong to Higuchi Tachibana, creator of Gakuen Alice.

* * *

"Your pace barely lasted 4 minutes. You're clearly slowing down."

"Shit, Natsume. Did you really think I'm some kind of running prodigy?" Mikan was jogging around the track field, fighting for breath. Why did she have to say okay to him last night?

Their walk to campus yesterday was...sweet. Mikan actually went to bed smiling to herself. She was feeling a certain gentle feeling towards him as she drifted to sleep.

The next day, she woke up to relentless knocking on her door. Mikan practically fell out of bed to answer it only to see Natsume in his running attire.

"It's time."

"For what?"

Natsume rolled his eyes. "Running."

Mikan sluggishly went back to her bed and unlocked her cellphone. "What the hell? Its 7AM."

"Exactly, we're already late."

"Natsume, it's Sunday," Mikan moaned to her pillow, "People sleep in on Sundays."

"You'd sleep in on any day. Get up or you'll be hearing knocks the rest of your day."

When Mikan ignored Natsume who was standing in front of her opened door and tried to go back to sleep, Natsume retaliated by knocking on her door repeatedly.

That was how Mikan ended up running laps while Natsume timed her on a perfect Sunday morning. Scratch whatever she was feeling last night. Now, lying on the academy's track field, Mikan cursed Natsume to hell.

"Are we done yet?" It was close to 9:30AM and Natsume didn't seem like letting her stop any time soon. He looked down to Mikan who was still lying down. "No."

"Hey, guys!"

Natsume and Mikan turned to the voice and saw Koko running towards them while Ruka and Hotaru walked behind. Koko was holding three bottles of orange juice and Ruka brought a small bag with him.

"We brought sustenance," Koko crouched down, grinning at Mikan.

"Oh, thank God." Mikan sat up and gratefully accepted the orange juice.

They all moved to the bleachers and Ruka unzipped his bag to reveal some breakfast sandwiches, toasts and five cups of yogurt for each of them.

"You look horrible," Hotaru smirked at Mikan.

"Gee, thanks," Mikan glowered. Hotaru was right, though. Mikan could feel her face blotching red, she was sweating through her blue t-shirt and her ponytail was sagging with a few strands loose.

When Mikan reached out for a sandwich, Natsume grabbed her wrist. "Not yet."

Mikan was about to argue, but Ruka contended for her instead. "Give Mikan a break, Natsume. She deserves it."

Natsume let go and crossed his arms. "Brisk walk for 5 minutes to cool down."

After a one minute staring match, Mikan begrudgingly dragged her feet while the others laughed.

"You're slow killing her," Hotaru said, clearly enjoying the scenario in front of her.

* * *

Once they had breakfast on the bleachers, Ruka drove them back to the dormitory. Mikan wanted to kiss him. If she had to walk their way back then she'd probably die out of exhaustion. Sitting in between Koko and Natsume in the back seat, Mikan hogged the air-conditioner and tried to dry her sweating face.

Though Mikan should have expected it, she was so out of shape. If Natsume didn't make her run those laps, she would stupidly thought her stamina was fine. Suddenly, she couldn't believe she used to run track at 14. Not that she was _really_ good back then, but at least Mikan could handle running without feeling like she was going to die. Now close to 17, it was like she had never run her whole life.

When they reached the dormitory, all Mikan wanted was to get out of her clothes and resume her interrupted sleep.

Natsume held her wrist a second time. As if he already knew of Mikan's plans, "Take a cold shower to cool your muscles. And we're having dinner at the cafeteria tonight."

Although still a little pissed at Natsume for the previous torture, Mikan understood this was Natsume helping her. "Though he could at least be a bit more easy on me," Mikan thought grudgingly. Even dinner together implied Natsume will be watching her eating schedule. Slightly touched for his effort (still a bit bitter though), Mikan yielded to his instructions.

Once showered, Mikan took a long nap after setting an alarm for dinner.

* * *

Two days have passed since Mikan's torture but the after effects remain: her muscles were so sore and she was practically dragging her feet to class and now the cafeteria.

Mikan made a whimpering sound when she tried to gently sit down, her food tray clattering on the table.

"Dear God, you sound like a dying puppy," Hotaru looked distastefully at Mikan.

Mikan didn't even bother replying while Koko pitifully patted her on the back. "Hey, looky there! It's your knight in shining armour, Mikan."

Ruka raised his hand and gave a little wave as to signal their location to Natsume.

Natsume went straight to them and a sheet of paper was placed in front of Mikan. She took it. "What's this?"

"Your schedule."

"A fitness and diet schedule?" Mikan gaped at the sheet and then at Natsume.

"Yes. Its tuned according to your record last Sunday. You also need to stop smoking."

Mikan groaned. "Is this all really necessary? Its not like I'm joining a marathon or something."

"Careful with your words, Mikan. Next thing you know your name's gonna be registered to some kind of relay run with Natsume," Koko teased.

Ruka laughed, "I warned you he gets cultish when it comes to running."

Hotaru took the sheet from Mikan. "They might as well. You're training her as if she's becoming a professional runner."

Natsume smirked at the incredulous Mikan, "Go big or go home."

"If he pushes any further, she'll _literally_ go home," Koko whispered to Ruka, who nodded.

Mikan stared at the schedule. It was really detailed. Natsume had planned out a month's worth of running trainings along with recommended food intake. "Damn," Mikan breathed. Natsume looked smug sitting across her. Something told her backing out was not a choice Natsume would tolerate.

But after the bitterness towards Natsume's cruelty ended, she thought of her pathetic run last Sunday, and Mikan was sure her 14 year old self would be embarrassed. She also remembered how much her mother loved seeing her active. She couldn't shake the picture of her mother and her 14 year old self looking down on her. Though Mikan knew it was going to be hell, she felt she needed to this for herself and her mother.

Natsume took several french fries from Mikan's food tray. "We're starting tomorrow after class."

Mikan took a deep breath, wishing herself all the luck in this world and the next.

* * *

**A/N:** Short chapter but the pace will definitely start to pick up on the next one. Thank you so much for the kind reviews **seemasakura**, **SunBabyBoss**, **Read at your own risk**, **NatMikan** and 2 Guests! You guys got me smiling all weekend because of it.

To Guest: Thanks for pointing out the age thing, I hope this chapter cleared that one out!

To NatMikan: I really do want to try writing in Natsume's POV but right now I'm not promising anything hehehe but thanks for the suggestion!


	5. Don't Say Sorry

**Disclaimer****: **I don't own Gakuen Alice. All rights belong to Higuchi Tachibana.

**Author's Note: **I don't think this fic will be very long. Maybe around 8 chapters? This story is still on training wheels and I don't want to exert myself with too much of a heavy plot. Happy reading!

* * *

The minute class ended, Natsume and Mikan did a short warm up and slow jogged their way to the academy's track field.

Ruka, Hotaru and Koko bid them farewell. Koko took it as far as waving a white handkerchief and wiped a fake tear.

Once they reached, though Mikan was much more mentally prepared than the first time, their slow jog left her pretty much winded. Meanwhile, Natsume barely broke a sweat.

Natsume went straight to coaching mode: "You need to control your breathing pattern. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth," He gave a short demonstration, "You grinding your teeth while running is what causing you to lose breath so fast."

"Straighten your back so that your gravity is centered but keep your shoulders loose. It'll help you relax while running. Try to sync your breathing with every step. Hold your arms in a 90 degrees position and tuck in to your sides."

Mikan took in every word. Natsume gently touched her back to straighten it and held onto her shoulders. "Relax," he said softly.

Is this guy joking? His touches caused Mikan another round of winded breath. Mikan tried to steady her breathing, doing exactly as Natsume instructed and focused the task at hand.

"Good," he gave a small smile and told her to run exactly as he had instructed.

Mikan felt a lot more lighter as she ran. She didn't feel so out of breath as quickly as she did before. The right techniques really do matter. Now able to enjoy the wind in her hair, Mikan remembered why she used to run back when she was 14. It felt good. It made her mother proud. Its as if she could hear her mother cheering her on as she did in Mikan's middle school Sports Day.

Though Mikan felt she did better than before, she exhausted her energy quite quickly. She slowed herself to a walk.

Natsume nodded in approval. "That's better. Now, learn to pace yourself. Run for 5 minutes then walk for 2. Repeat."

* * *

Their training rarely deviated from Natsume's schedule. He started with beginners steps. He kept track of Mikan's pace and eating schedule. He made sure she woke up for dinner even if it took kicking down her door (Mikan slept as if she were dead).

During the first few days of Mikan's nicotine withdrawal, Natsume remained patient at her constant irritation and took it easy on her training as Mikan experienced waves of nausea.

The first month had not been easy on Mikan. Along with her trying to stop smoking, she felt extra tired out of being mentally drained and physical exertion. But Mikan persevered, she wanted to be strong for herself. She wanted to make her mom proud. She didn't want Natsume's efforts go to waste. She liked spending time alone with him.

Now, Mikan didn't feel as tired anymore. Her sleeping schedule had become regular and her food intake wasn't so scarce. Though Mikan still had pangs of nicotine cravings, she shook it off by going for jogs with Natsume. Sometimes in the track field, other times outside campus. She used nicotine patches sparingly but tried not to be too dependent on it. After one month and a half of solid training, Natsume noted that she was now able to maintain her pace in a timing he deemed satisfied and reformed her running regime to intermediate level.

Mikan and Natsume spent so much time together. They would start training as soon as class ended as to make time for homework at night, which they would also do together. Also the fact that they kept wearing sport attires to class in order to save time. This led the class to call them partners. Not that they minded. As Mikan's stamina steadily increased, her friendship with Natsume, along with her crush for him grew too. He became the first person Mikan went to and not just for running. Mikan enjoyed Natsume's company and he seemed to enjoy being with Mikan too.

Their closeness apparently made someone jealous: "It's not fair! I was your first friend, Mikan!" Koko whined dramatically.

Mikan and Natsume shared an amused glance. "You still are, Koko." Mikan patted his left knee.

The five of them were in Ruka's car again. Hotaru always in the passenger seat (the girlfriend privilege), while Mikan was wedged in between Natsume and Koko at the back. Ruka had called Natsume and offered a ride back to the dorm from the track field.

"How about we all go to dinner tomorrow night?" Ruka suggested.

"Yes! There's this new Thai restaurant that I so want to try," Koko jumped on the idea, dropping his previous theatrics.

"Mikan?" asked Ruka and Koko simultaneously.

Nothing wrong with enjoying a nice Friday night with good company. "Yeah, sure. That'll be nice. Hotaru, Natsume?"

"Hotaru's definitely going because Ruka drags her everywhere. And Natsume is so going knowing you're joining," Koko snickered while Ruka grinned at Natsume through the rear-view mirror. Even Hotaru had a small smirk on.

Natsume said nothing to the taunt and Mikan attempted to laugh along though her cheeks were turning red at the remark and Natsume's lack of reply.

She liked Natsume. She really did. At times, she felt like Natsume liked her too. But Mikan did not want to overthink it, in fear that she's over-analysing his acts towards her and this was merely unrequited. Mikan was satisfied with being one of his close friends. "Well, for now," she thought to herself. She imagined them dating and she would like that very very much.

* * *

Friday classes finally ended and everyone promised to meet up at 7PM later. Mikan was surprised when Natsume decided to skip training today but she couldn't say no to a day of relaxation.

Lying on her bed, Mikan realised how much she actually grew to enjoy running. And this was not just because of Natsume. Once she got the hang of it, running felt freeing for her. Mikan knew she's not an advanced runner like Natsume - she still had so much to learn and train - but she can't help feeling proud of her progress.

She shifted her eyes to her running shoes by the door. She never used to wear it before she started running, but now the sole of her shoes had red stains from the track and some mud from running outside campus. Even seeing her soiled shoes made her proud, it proves her hard work. Though she noted she might have to buy a new one soon before the fraying gets worse.

15 minutes to 7PM, Mikan changed to a white bardot top and light denim slim fit jeans. Mikan was the last to reconvene by Ruka's car, she then realised everyone was wearing smart casual outfits. Hotaru always wore smart casual outfits so she didn't stick out as much as the boys who were all wearing button-up shirts of different colours. While it may not be so weird for Ruka, Koko on the other hand had always wore t-shirts to class. Natsume had opt wearing sport attires for the past month, so seeing him clean up was like a breath of fresh air. Mikan looked down at her outfit and just like her first day here, she wondered whether she was yet again underdressed. "Wait, I thought we were going to a Thai restaurant?"

"Yeah, so?" Hotaru raised her eyebrows.

"Its just that-"

Ruka clapped his hands. "Okay! Get in the car everyone!"

Natsume opened the back door and Koko basically stuffed Mikan in.

The ride there was accompanied by Koko's Spotify playlist he named as 'The Best Fucking Songs Ever'. Ruka was narrating an incident during his and Koko's theatre training as they reached StrEAT Thai.

"Right this way, please," the waiter escorted the five of them to a table near the kitchen of the restaurant. Everything on the menu looked so delicious. They ordered a few main dishes and some side dishes and their conversation recommenced.

Mikan sat in between Natsume and Hotaru, while Koko was in front of her. Ruka was across Hotaru, telling a funny story of how he fell when he first met Hotaru. Mikan was genuinely enjoying her night. She was never close with her classmates back in the city and usually spent time with just her mother. Mikan missed the quality time with her. Conversing and laughing with them felt like her mother's presence was right by her shoulder.

As the waiters cleared their empty dishes, Mikan realised she didn't feel mentally drained even after socialising for hours. Instead, she felt rejuvenated. This was exactly how she felt with her mother. This was exactly how she wants to feel with her friends.

And then -

Suddenly -

To Mikan's utter surprise -

The four of them each brought out a party popper and pulled. Confetti rained on their table. "Surprise!"

A waiter brought out a blueberry cheesecake and everyone sang Happy Birthday to Mikan. The other patrons around the restaurant joined in too.

Mikan could only gawk at them. When the claps subsided, she finally regained her voice."Bu- but my birthday isn't for another week."

"Well, thats the surprise! If we did it on your exact birthday then it would've been too obvious," Koko grinned.

Mikan was speechless. These people. The singing. The cake. Mikan's heart swelled. She was _so_ happy. But, she can't seem to stop her tears from falling.

"Shit, Mikan - we're sorry -" Ruka grew flustered seeing Mikan tearful.

Natsume at her side immediately took hold of Mikan's left hand, comforting her.

"No! No! Don't say sorry," she sniffled, "Its just that I've never had this before. My birthdays have always just been me and my mom."

Always just the two of them. Mikan loved her birthdays. Her mother's horrid singing, her homemade cake, the two of them just laughing and celebrating together. She missed her so much.

"You don't have to replace the space you have for your mother with us, Mikan. We see now that your birthday was a special day between you two. But we also want you to know that you're not alone anymore. And if you let us, we would really like to be good friends with you. And maybe all of us can remember your mother together," Ruka's little speech made her heart ache and gush at the same time.

Mikan looked at these four faces who were worried for her. Ruka was creasing his eyebrows with a sad smile, Koko was attempting to brighten Mikan by giving her a huge grin. Hotaru placed her hand on Mikan's right shoulder. Mikan knew this one small act was so big coming from Hotaru Imai. And Natsume, his hand was still holding on to her. Mikan gave him a little squeeze. "Thank you so much," she said, tears still threatening to fall.

"Cut the cake," Natsume softly told her. She laughed as Koko made a fuss of filming a video of the cake cutting. The cake was split between them and the rest was put aside.

Then a waiter brought them three paper bags. "We even got gifts for you!" Koko said, clearly excited. That was when Mikan understood Natsume's sudden training cancellation was due to them preparing for her little party.

"Okay, me first!" Koko gave his paper bag to Mikan.

"Open it," Hotaru instructed. She wanted to know what everyone else got for Mikan.

Koko's gift felt soft. Mikan carefully unwrapped the gift to reveal a pretty floral tote bag.

Hotaru sneered. "Is this really all you could afford, Yome?"

Koko gave an indignant squawk. "Well, show us yours!"

"This is from the both of us," Ruka smiled. It was a much smaller gift. Koko gave a derisive laugh.

Mikan opened it and the small gift turned out to be an expensive wireless earphones. Hotaru smirked at the gaping Koko.

His last defense was: "That's not fair! You both pulled money together. If I had done that too then I could've gave a fancier gift."

Mikan giggled. "I love it both, you guys." Mikan then felt a nudge on her left shoulder. Natsume held his gift to her. It was the largest among all.

Mikan gingerly opened it, and to her delight, it was a brand new running shoes.

"Yours were fraying," Natsume said.

Mikan almost started crying all over again. Her feelings felt like it was about to overspill. She couldn't believe in these few months she had friends that she knew from the bottom of her heart were endgame. And Natsume's attentiveness towards her was something she never wanted to forget.

They took a group picture together, Mikan in the middle and the others around her, before leaving. Mikan thanked everyone again, even the staffs that joined forces with her friends.

She placed her birthday gifts carefully in the back of Ruka's car. As Ruka drove back to the academy, Mikan felt so serene. She felt drunk on affection. It made her incredibly sleepy. She started nodding off in the middle of the back seat. Her head kept drooping to her chest and Mikan jerked awake several times.

When her head drooped for the umpteenth time, Natsume guided her head to his shoulder. Mikan inadvertently let out a small sigh.

The others looked at the two of them and smiled. The drowsy Mikan heard Koko say, "Looks like the plan was an utter success, guys."

"Hold up," Koko added, "Are we supposed to expect just one gift just because you two are a couple?" He addressed the question to Ruka and Hotaru.

"I think its wise if you don't expect anything from us from now on."

* * *

**A/N: **Mikan develops a strong bond with her friends. Things are starting to look up for her! What do you guys think?


	6. What Am I Doing?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gakuen Alice. All rights belong to Higuchi Tachibana.

**Author's Note:** I got tests coming up and assignments due soon. I won't get to update as much as I'd like to. Please bear with me :(

* * *

It's been exactly a week since Mikan's early birthday bash. She'll turn 17 tomorrow and for some reason Mikan felt a little queasy whenever she thinks of it.

"How about we join a marathon?" Mikan turned to Natsume's voice. They were currently in a Nike store nearby campus, Natsume wanted to check out the new arrivals.

"A marathon? I don't think I can run for that long...yet." Mikan thoughtfully said as she inspected a pretty pink running shoes.

"Fine. A 10K run then."

A 10km road run. Well, it was better than running a whole 40km marathon. They had been running for almost 2 months now. Maybe this was a good idea to see Natsume and Mikan's effort in good use.

"Why not just a 5K instead?"

Natsume raised his eyebrows. "We jog 5km all the time. That's not very challenging."

"How arrogant," Mikan mocked.

Natsume was right though. They regularly jogged around the campus and continued their way out. 5km run wasn't exactly a breeze for Mikan, unlike Natsume. She would of course feel exerted by the end of their run. But she still was able to maintain her pace and to Mikan, that's what's important. A 10km run on the other hand, that would be a new challenge for her.

Seeing Mikan's thoughtful expression, Natsume pushed the final coercion tactic: he took out his cellphone and forwarded a text of a 10K marathon's details to Mikan.

Mikan saw the 'Road Run: 10K for 10K' was actually a fundraising event to advocate for climate change action. It was dated for next month. The event held for both male and female categories and the participation fee was reasonable enough.

If they continued their running regime until the day of the road run, Mikan believed she would be able to run 10km without wanting to die.

Then something in her clicked. "Wait a minute, you planned this from the start, didn't you? All those exercise and eating regimes were for this exact road run!"

Natsume didn't even bother denying. "There's no use of a plan without having a goal."

Mikan grumbled at Natsume's true agenda. But his reply got her thinking, "Do I have a goal?"

She hasn't really thought about that. Her reasons for running were all pretty much short term. At first, she was embarrassed she disregarded her health to that extent. Now, Mikan did feel a lot more healthier, though she still couldn't fully shake off the nicotine cravings. Then as she got better, she gradually grew to enjoy running.

"Is it because of Natsume?" She thought to herself. He was silently listening to a sales attendant promoting the new arrivals.

Natsume did help her. He guided her on all their training and made sure she didn't fall back. Though she really did appreciate his help, Mikan would like at least one reason manifested from within her, something just for herself. Something deeper than just enjoying. She wondered what it was.

Natsume lightly knocked her head, breaking Mikan out of her reverie. "So?"

"So?" Mikan mimicked. She couldn't remember what they were talking about before.

That earned her another light knock on the head. "The road run. Are you interested?"

"Oh!" Mikan absently rubbed her head, "Uh- I'll think about it."

Natsume walked ahead out of the store.

"Aren't you going to buy?" Mikan jogged to catch up.

He shook his head. "Any plans for tomorrow?"

Mikan felt queasy again. Turning 17 is supposed to be a big deal, right? "No. My uncle texted an advance birthday wish this morning. Last week he said he wanted to celebrate together but now he has to go for a long conference somewhere far. Actually, I was thinking of-"

"Celebrate with me." Natsume interjected. He was still ahead of her, so Mikan could only see the back of his head.

The rest of Mikan's words left her mind as they stopped walking. She blushed, "Just the two of us?"

It was silly for her to have such a reaction. They were currently alone _now_. But, Natsume's straightforwardness this time felt different to Mikan.

Even Natsume refused to turn towards her. "If you're cool with that."

"Yeah, I'd really like that," Mikan smiled. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise. Just be ready by 1PM."

* * *

The next day, Mikan's queasiness intensified. Is this how 17 supposed to feel? She was lying in her bed while going through her cellphone.

Mikan received a series of 'Happy Birthday' texts from Ruka, Hotaru and Koko. Even Uncle Kazumi wished her again and promised another time to celebrate.

"I'm 17 today, mom," she mumbled. Mikan closed her eyes and imagined Yuka coming into her room with homemade birthday cupcakes.

Her cellphone chimed a specific ringtone signaling a message from Natsume: "Happy Birthday" accompanied with a red balloon emoji.

She smiled. Before she could reply, another message chimed in from him, "Morning run?"

Mikan snorted. This guy never stops, huh? She still felt queasy and did not want to worsen it and potentially ruin their plan this afternoon. Mikan said thank you for the wish and declined the invitation, noting that she'll see him later instead.

Natsume wouldn't tell her of their plans no matter how much Mikan pried. Not knowing what to expect, Mikan opted for a blue long sleeve blouse and jeans, hoping this outfit would fit in any situation Natsume was planning. And if she had time for her initial plan, then this outfit would do well too.

Exactly 1PM, Mikan went down to the common lounge and saw Natsume waiting for her. Coincidentally, Natsume was wearing blue too, albeit a much darker shade than Mikan's. The sleeves of his dark blue button down shirt was folded up to his elbows and both of his hands were inside the pockets of his jeans. He looked incredibly handsome.

"Happy birthday," he wished again.

"Thank you," she grinned. "Now, will you tell me where are we going?"

Natsume smirked. "No."

Then, he smoothly led her outside to Ruka's car.

"Is Ruka coming too?" Mikan glanced at the silver Honda.

"No, I'm borrowing it for today."

"You sure he's fine with this?"

Natsume nodded. "Though Hotaru demanded for charges."

Typical Hotaru. It felt different to be sitting at the passenger seat where Hotaru usually claims. Natsume fluidly adjusted the driver seat to his comfort and fixed the rear-view mirror. He then smoothly reversed the car from the parking lot and drove them outside campus.

Mikan turned on the radio. "I didn't know you could drive."

Natsume shrugged. "I just don't have a car."

"Are you going to tell me where you're planning to take me?"

"You'll see."

And see she did. Natsume stopped in front of an Italian restaurant. It was a really short drive, Mikan wondered why Natsume insisted on driving when they could've just walked instead.

It seemed that he had booked a table beforehand as a waitress was already expecting them. She smiled, welcoming the both of them to Alessandro's.

"Isn't this a little fancy?" Mikan nudged Natsume as they were led by the waitress to their table for two. The ambience of the restaurant screamed expensive food.

"It's your birthday. Don't complain," Natsume lightly nudged her back.

The waitress placed two menus and left to let them decide first. Natsume immediately decided for the Fiorentina Steak. Mikan took note of the price and opted for Alessandro's Signature Beef Lasagna, which was considerably cheaper than Natsume's choice.

Once that was decided, Mikan looked around the restaurant. It was really beautiful. The details were very intricate and she wondered how she never heard of this place before, despite it being near to campus.

Mikan turned her head to Natsume and saw he had been looking at her admiring the place with a small smile. Now embarrassed, Mikan tried to start a conversation. "So..."

Natsume looked like he was about to say something but remained silent.

"Tell me about yourself," she blurted. She was clearly grasping for any conversation starters.

The both of them being at this fancy restaurant on her birthday felt different to Mikan. It was as if she was just about to get to know him. Apparently, Natsume seemed to think otherwise.

"You know me," he raised his left eyebrow. "And I wasn't aware this was an interview."

"Humor me."

He let out a small sigh. "Where should I start?" Natsume feigned to be deep in thought.

Mikan laughed. As if a reporter, she took a spoon on her right and pretended to write on her napkin. "What made Natsume Hyuuga the person that he is now?"

He smirked at her theatrics. "That's too vague."

"Okay, here's a more specific question: why do you run?"

Natsume took no time to answer. "It helps me think."

"Of?"

"Everything," he said simply.

"That's too vague," Mikan echoed.

Natsume merely shrugged.

She then remembered his plans for the 10K road run. Mikan was surprised he shaped her schedule to make her fit enough for that exact run. _There's no use of a plan without having a goal._ "But, do you have a goal? Like something you want to achieve at the end?"

This time he looked thoughtful. "They're more like hurdles."

Mikan didn't understand what Natsume was saying. He posed her a question instead. "Isn't there always something you want to overcome?"

"Well, yeah..." When she started, the very first training was hell but that made her realise how bad she disregarded health. "I guess my first hurdle is to become healthier? Though I'm not quite there yet."

Natsume nodded. "You're well on your way."

Mikan felt her initial question was still unanswered. She pressed on, "But what's your end goal? The prize for all this effort?" Mikan gestured her hands around her, as if all their hard work and training were tangible in this Italian restaurant.

"I'm not there yet," Natsume said.

"What?" Mikan was surprised. She never thought Natsume would say that.

"There's still hurdles to jump over. You can't keep your eyes fixated on the finishing line when there's obstacles in front of you. That's how you end up falling."

Mikan remained quiet. She was still comprehending Natsume's little figurative speech.

Does running help her think too? But the hurdles Natsume mentioned made sense. That was how he overcame his challenges. He had been jumping over them, probably gracefully for years now. Maybe Natsume was already close to the finishing line. Meanwhile, Mikan was still running towards her first hurdle.

Natsume waited for Mikan to fully digest his words. When it took a while, he broke her out of her reverie. "You don't have to think of your end goal right now. You said you're not quite there yet on your first hurdle. Focus on that first."

Mikan nodded. She looked around, as if the answers to her own questions were dining in the same restaurant.

"When you said it helps you think, you mean think of a way to overcome your hurdles, which are like smaller goals towards the finishing line?"

Natsume gave her a small smile. "Now you're getting it."

Mikan hummed. She hasn't fully grasped the concept yet but did not want to put much thought into it for now. "Tell me about your childhood then. That ought to be interesting."

"It's really not. I had a normal childhood. A pair of loving parents and an annoying little sister."

"And nothing to explain your constant stoicism?"

The conversation paused for a while as the waitress came back with their orders. Now, with steaming hot food in front of them, Natsume answered.

"I guess that came from my mom. She has somewhat the same personality as me."

Mikan blew on her lasagna before eating. It was exquisite. She literally melted on her chair, "This is so good! Have some- and your sister?"

Natsume took some of her lasagna. "She's every bit sunshine and rainbows. It can get nauseating. But she's only 9, so," he shrugged. Natsume cut a piece of his steak and gave it to Mikan.

"Oh shit, yours is even better!" Mikan savored the juicy taste of the steak. "I'm an only child- you know that. I could never understand the feeling of having siblings."

"You should meet Aoi. Then you'd be grateful being an only child."

Mikan laughed. "Something only a mean brother would say."

Natsume chuckled. "She'll like you, for sure."

"Yeah?"

"I'm usually the harder one to impress. But you easily passed that."

Mikan smiled at the insinuation.

_Natsume likes me._

The rest of their lunch was filled with light conversation. Mikan's queasiness felt like it was slowly packing it's bags and leaving.

* * *

"Thank you for the birthday lunch," Mikan nursed her full stomach as they came out of the restaurant. "We should come here again some other time. You know, for normal lunch."

Natsume nodded. Mikan doubted he paid attention to what she said; he was busy looking around the street.

"The car's right there, Natsume," Mikan pointed.

"Wait, there's a car…" she whispered. It was only 3PM. If they drove now, they would be there by 4:30PM.

"Mikan, I-"

"Natsume, can I ask you a favour?"

Mikan was vaguely aware that she had interjected Natsume, but if they wanted to reach there before dark, they had to go now.

He took the interruption in a stride. Natsume shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for Mikan to continue.

"It's a long drive but I was hoping if you could drive me to my mom?"

He hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I think I should be seeing her on my birthday." Mikan felt queasy again but she persevered.

"Show me the way then."

* * *

The first hour of driving was smooth. Natsume and Mikan fell into comfortable silence and Mikan only spoke to show Natsume the way.

But when they were nearing the city, Mikan felt anxious. Suddenly, this didn't seem like such a good idea, after all. She had only been there once since her mom died and Mikan remembered she ended up feeling sick afterwards.

They were so near though. It would be foolish to tell Natsume to turn back now.

Mikan averted her eyes to the window. Anything to keep her mind off the road. There were much less trees now. She grew tense as she saw tall buildings and huge highways.

As the road started to look really familiar, Mikan became mute. She couldn't even bring herself to speak to navigate Natsume on the right road.

What was wrong with her? Mikan was the one who wanted to visit her mother. Why was she so nervous? For some reason, Mikan felt guilt in her heart.

When Natsume kept left at the intersection, Mikan's heart started pounding dangerously fast. She wanted to be strong but she also wanted to scream for Natsume to stop.

Soon, Natsume slowed the car to a stop. Mikan still couldn't find her voice. She did not want to look to her left. She closed her eyes. Why did she think this was a good idea?

Natsume only seemed to notice her discomfort after he shut the engine off. "Shit, Mikan. Are you-"

Mikan shook her head. Her queasiness, which she thought was already out the door, came back and thrashed her stomach. She was really pale.

"Mikan, you don't have to do this." At the back of Mikan's mind, she noted this was the first time she saw Natsume in a state of alarm. "We should go."

Before Natsume could turn the engine back on, Mikan held out her hand to stop him. She slowly turned her head to the left and saw in clear view, just by the entrance gate, her mother's grave.

The effect was immediate. It was like Mikan herself was hit in a car accident. She felt like she was experiencing whiplash but repeatedly and it grew intense at every turn.

_What am I doing?_

As if on autopilot, Mikan went out of the car and made her way to her mother's grave. She heard another car door opened and closed but ignored it.

_What am I doing?_

Standing right by the grave, Mikan could see the tombstone clearly.

**Yuka Sakura, a loving mother and friend.**

Mikan knelt down and touched the tombstone. It was cold despite the warm weather.

_What am I doing?_

"Mikan," Natsume placed his hand on her shoulder.

With just the touch, everything came back to Mikan. She was standing right here in a black dress. Her uncle was beside her. Hands after hands were on her shoulder. Sympathy glances. Words of comfort. Offers of help.

_I'm sorry for your loss._

_Poor girl, pity child._

_Time heals all wounds._

_Mom's gone._

_What am I doing?_

"I-" Mikan choked. She wanted to say something but it was as if the words were stuck in her throat. "What am I doing?" she whispered.

Now, everything crashed into her. Mikan wanted a reason manifested from herself as to why she runs. Wasn't it obvious? Running made her forget the truth. How could she? How _dare_ she let herself be eluded by all this? She even promised with her friends to remember her mother together. Meanwhile, all she's been doing is distracting herself from the truth by trying to figure out her stupid running goals.

There was no finishing line. There were no stupid hurdles. There was just Mikan and the truth.

How could she let herself forget? _Mom's gone._

It took her goddamn birthday to actually come visit her mother. How selfish can she get?

At the academy, as she gradually found comfort within her friends, within Natsume, it slowly felt like her mother was merely far away. Never gone. Just somewhere else.

But being here, in front of her grave, Mikan finally remembered the jarring reality.

_Mom's gone. How could I let myself forget?_

Natsume's eyes were searching for her's and had no idea how to control the situation. "Mikan-"

She cut him off and rasped, "Can you drive me home? I'll show you the way."

Natsume nodded and slowly led her back to the car. Mikan turned to the tombstone again, her fingers still felt cold. _I don't want to forget anymore._

It was a quiet drive. Mikan only spoke to navigate and Natsume silently obeyed. He kept glancing at her but Mikan chose to ignore it.

The sun was gently setting when they finally arrived. At the door, Mikan dug through her purse and located her house key she kept in one of the card slots.

Mikan looked at Natsume. He still looked worried for her. Maybe she should say something to put him at ease, but she couldn't think of anything else right now except that she just doesn't want to forget anymore.

She unlocked the door. It gave a familiar creak as Mikan pushed it open. And as if Mikan had never transferred, as if she was just back from her old school, she automatically started her ritual.

Mikan walked to the kitchen and peeked. It was still the same. Did she expect it to be different? The countertops were pristine white, the stove and sink were shiny clean but the fridge was empty.

She then made her way upstairs and opened the door to the right. Her mother's room was the exact same as when she last came here. Mikan lingered a little longer here. She touched everything she could reach. She stared at the pictures on her mother's drawers. She looked at the bed and its white sheet. It was clean too. Had someone came and cleaned her house? Her uncle?

She went back downstairs to the living room. Mikan turned the TV on - it was already on low volume. She heard movement and turned, it was Natsume. She had momentarily forgotten he was here.

"I'm sorry," Natsume said. "I'm not sure if it was right to bring you here."

Natsume only wanted to help. Mikan understood that. Seeing him made her remember that while running had been a way to allow Natsume to think, it had become a way for Mikan to forget. She did not want to do that anymore. Mikan needed to remember.

If Mikan forget, who would remember her mother? How could she let herself be distracted from the reality? Her reality? _Mom's gone._

Mikan shook her head. She made her way to Natsume, bracing herself for his reaction to her reveal:

"I'm not running anymore."

* * *

**A/N:** Mikan's initial intention to visit her mother made a dramatic turn of events! (insert gasp)

Thank you so much for the reviews, all! A lot of good suggestions that I will definitely take into account.


	7. Whatever You Need

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Higuchi Tachibana, creator of Gakuen Alice. I mentioned NBC's Friends a little bit which is also not mine!

**Author's Note:** I could only imagine this chapter in **Natsume's POV** and decided to try it out. Hope it's okay!

* * *

"What?" Out of all things that happened today, Natsume couldn't believe it could lead to this.

"I'm not running anymore. I can't," Mikan slowly said. Her shoulders were straight, as if bracing herself.

"Mikan, what's wrong?" He slowly approached her.

"Running- it makes me forget. I can't afford that," she continued.

"I don't understand."

"I'm supposed to remember her, Natsume. How could I let myself get distracted? Running felt so freeing-"

Natsume, frustrated that this day took an unexpected turn, interjected, "Then why would you want to stop?"

Mikan grew equally frustrated. "I can't be free! I can't let myself forget! My mother- _she's gone!_ How could I let myself be free from that?"

Natsume didn't know what to say. He had never lost someone important to him. What could he ever say that can make Mikan know that he understands her loss? Bottom line; he doesn't.

His parents were still with him. He had a sister. Even his grandparents were still alive. There was always at least one family member in his house whenever he went back home. Now here, in Mikan's house, the only other voice he could hear was from the TV. They had such different lives. He didn't know what words could console her.

So he stood there in her living room, looking at Mikan. Even in this situation, Natsume couldn't help thinking how beautiful she was. Should he have said no when she asked to drive her here?

"It took my birthday to actually come back here," Mikan voiced. "And when I did, I was so scared and realised how much I've been keeping myself from the truth. How bad does a person have to be to forget to mourn for her own mother? How can I allow myself to do all these things when I should be remembering her instead?"

Mikan slowly sat herself down on the couch. "I don't want to let myself forget," she repeated, as if it was a mantra.

Her frustration was gone. She only looked tired. "I thought I was doing it for me. I thought I could make my mother proud. I remember she used to be so proud seeing me run in middle school."

Natsume was confused. He didn't understand.

"Don't you see, Natsume? _She's gone._ There's no use anymore! I have to remember that. Seeing her tombstone made me remember that."

"Why can't you remember her while running?" It felt like forcing her, but Natsume saw with his own eyes how much Mikan grew to enjoy running.

She shook her head. "You said running helps you think. But running made me forget," Mikan was close to tears. "I can't forget her, Natsume. I can't."

Natsume took a seat beside her. And as if they were at that convenience store all those months ago, he offered again, "I'll help. Whatever you need."

Mikan took his hand. Natsume quickly held on. He wasn't quite sure who was comforting who right now.

"You are. You really are helping, Natsume. Hell, you being here right now is helping me so much."

They remained quiet for a while. Natsume slowly stroke Mikan's hand, hoping to convey all the comfort he could give.

"I'm sorry," Natsume whispered, "I thought you started to like running. I never wanted to force you."

"You didn't. I just- My mother's gone, Natsume," Mikan cried, "I shouldn't let myself do all these things that could make me forget her."

Natsume didn't say anything. He couldn't think of any words that could comfort her. He let go of her hand and wrapped it around Mikan instead. Her head fell on his shoulders as her body was shaking from crying.

Natsume let her cry. It pained him to see her like this, but Mikan needed to let everything out. He softly stroked her back until she gradually dried her tears.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You don't have to be."

Maybe what Mikan said was true. Running did help him think. It was an outlet for him to sort out his thoughts. Had Mikan really run just to forget? Natsume closed his eyes and remembered their training together. When Mikan got the hang of it, she learned to enjoy running just as much as he did. But when she saw her mother's grave, it was like something within Mikan changed. Could she no longer stand the thought of running knowing she should be grieving instead?

A digital clock by the TV displayed the time: 8:47PM. Natsume wondered if it was safe to be driving back this late at night.

Mikan seemed to be thinking along the same lines. "I think we should stay here for the night. The road outside the city's too dark for you to drive."

Mikan stood up from the couch and attempted to dry her tears. "Um, we don't exactly have a guest bedroom here, but-"

"It's fine. I can sleep here."

"Are you sure?"

Natsume nodded. Mikan's puffy eyes and red nose made him feel very guilty. How does one provide comfort to a girl he likes?

"Okay. Well, there's a bathroom near the kitchen and well, yeah okay." Mikan pointed to herself then the stairs, signaling her leave.

Natsume sighed as he lay on the couch. "What the fuck should I do?"

He absently stared at the TV. It was displaying some talk show programme. The talking host barely registered into Natsume's mind.

He still felt very confused. Out of all the things he imagined happening today, he never thought it could end up like this.

He had planned a birthday lunch for just the two of them. He wanted a special day for her, without Koko hogging all her attention like her early birthday bash. And throughout the whole time in the restaurant, Natsume was building courage to actually tell her of his feelings. Ruka's annoying voice came from his memories, "There's no better timing than on her birthday!"

Irritating as Ruka was, what he said was true. But whenever Natsume attempted to tell, the words got stuck in his throat. He ended up stupidly staring at Mikan like a besotted ass. Then, when the words almost got out of him outside the restaurant, Mikan had asked him a favour that led to this. Was it supposed to be this difficult to tell the truth?

Natsume let out a heavy sigh. While he was upset things did not turn out as planned, there were more pressing issues to think of: Mikan. He thought hard on how to help her.

At times like this, it would help if Natsume was running. Only then he could think clearly. But he didn't want to leave Mikan alone. Was she still crying upstairs? Would it be inappropriate of him to go up the stairs and see her?

As if his thoughts were calling her, Mikan came down the stairs. "Natsume?"

She had changed her outfit to a gray hoodie and polka dotted pajama pants. Her hair was wet from a shower she must have taken. Mikan's eyes were still puffy but she looked much calmer.

"I brought you a blanket. And a t-shirt. I got it for free but it's really big so…"

"Thanks. Do you mind if I take a shower?"

"No, please. There's towels and an extra toothbrush in the cabinet."

Natsume reached out for the shirt and took himself to the bathroom near the kitchen.

He wanted more time with Mikan, so Natsume took a quick shower and changed his clothes. The t-shirt had a graphic at the front of two hands holding up a tree. And Mikan was right, the size was really big. She would have drowned in it if she were to wear it. As Natsume brushed his teeth, he tried to figure out ways to help Mikan. As much as he did feel Mikan really did enjoy running, he did not want to talk about that tonight. He thought pushing on that topic would only further upset Mikan.

He came out of the bathroom and heard Mikan called him from the kitchen.

"Would you like some tea?" She had already turned on the thermo pot.

"Sure." Natsume went into the kitchen and stood beside her. He always liked her close. Her wet hair smelled like oranges.

They stood there in silence while Mikan poured hot water into a teapot and let the tea bag sit for a while.

"I'm sorry about just now," she sighed. "You planned such a great birthday for me and I ruined it."

"You didn't ruin anything, Mikan. Nothing was your fault."

"I just don't want you to think I'm crazy."

Natsume shook his head. "I'm sorry too. I wished I could do more to help."

Mikan smiled while pouring tea for the both of them. Her smile felt warmer than the mug she passed.

"Come on, I want to show you something," she beckoned him as she went her way up the stairs again.

Natsume took his mug and followed her. For some reason, his heart was beating fast. He was about to enter Mikan's world before he met her. _Before her mother died._

They turned left and entered her room. It was so different from Mikan's assigned room back in the academy. Her room in the academy was devoid of decoration or anything personal. There were only the provided furniture and her essentials.

But here, her whole bedroom was like a whirlwind of Mikan's whole life. There were ornaments and knickknacks by her bed. Souvenir keychains she hung above her study table. Pictures pinned on a cork board she hung at an empty wall. The room was neither messy nor tidy. There were all signs of a happy life.

Mikan was in front of her closet. "Here," she pointed to the edge of the closet wall covered by her hanged clothes.

Natsume approached and saw multiple horizontal lines made by black markers and each edge of the lines had numbers. It was Mikan's height at different ages.

He smiled. "You were really short when you were 11."

Mikan laughed. "Yeah, then I had a growth spurt at 13," She touched the line marked 13. It was quite far from the number 11 below it. "My mom and I, we used to do this every year on my birthday."

Natsume noticed the number stopped at 14.

Mikan saw it too. "We went on a vacation on my 15th birthday and I haven't really grown since that anyway."

Natsume looked around her room and saw a permanent marker on her study table. He put his mug down on the table, took the marker and gave it a little shake.

Mikan smiled and immediately understood his silent request. She stood straight beside the closet wall and Natsume's hand went above her head. Strands of her hair tickled his wrist.

"There." Natsume wrote the number 17 beside the line he made. Mikan turned and the both of them quietly stared at the new addition.

"You were right, there's barely any difference." Natsume touched the line he just drew and the one directly below it. Mikan had only grown about 2 inches since she was 14.

"Happy birthday, Mikan," he whispered. They were so close to each other. They needn't speak loud to hear each other clearly.

"Thank you," she breathed.

Natsume gazed at Mikan's side profile. She was softly smiling at the line he made. Was this the right time to tell her? Or will that be too insensitive of him?

Before Natsume could work up his courage, Mikan faced him and repeated, "Thank you, Natsume."

He nodded, disappointed with his failed third attempt.

"Thank you for all your hard work in making me healthier. I promise I won't turn all that into waste."

His heart lifted. Does that mean Mikan will run again?

"But right now, I'm not running anymore. I think I should spend more of my time in the city. Here. Home."

Even if Natsume didn't understand, even though running meant a great deal to Natsume, he was determined to keep his promise to Mikan. He was determined to help. "Then, if it's okay with you, I'd like to spend time here too. With you."

He took her hand. He hoped it sent a message of support, but if Natsume was being honest with himself, he just wanted to hold Mikan's hand.

She squeezed his hand in return. "Thank you. I would really enjoy the company. My mom too."

Natsume breathed in her presence. He looked around and thought it was such a privilege to be able to see Mikan's life in her bedroom.

"Are you tired?" Mikan asked.

"No, why?"

"I just feel like watching TV."

Natsume took his mug of tea, and they descended the stairs. He didn't want to let go of her small hand now that it was safe in his.

The TV was still on. Mikan took a flash drive from one of the cabinet drawers and inserted it into the TV's USB port. "When I was a kid, my mom loved to watch reruns of Friends on TV. Then when they stopped the reruns, I downloaded all 10 seasons and this drive is specifically for that."

Their hands still intertwined, Mikan led Natsume to the couch and they sat down close to each other. "When either one of us had a bad day or just wanted to watch some mindless entertainment, this was always our choice. Have you ever watched Friends?"

Natsume shook his head. "I have heard of it though."

Mikan smiled. "You're gonna love it."

After two episodes, Mikan fell asleep as she lounged at the other end of the couch.

As Natsume draped the blanket on Mikan, he thought although things didn't go out as he initially planned, he felt like he gained something either way. He also realised that the only thing he can do for now to help Mikan is to stay by her side.

* * *

Natsume woke to his cell phone ringing. He had fallen asleep last night at one end and Mikan was still curled at the other end of the couch. He answered his phone before the ringtone could wake her up.

"Hey, man," Ruka's voice was on the other line. "You okay? Where are you?"

"I'm with Mikan." Before Natsume could explain any further, he heard a short scuffling, Ruka's indignant "Hey!" and Koko came into the line, "Did you tell her? Of course, you did, you dog! Tell us everything!"

Natsume didn't even bother. "We'll be back soon," He ended the call and saw Mikan stirred in her sleep.

"Was that Koko?"

He nodded. "And Ruka."

"Shit, they must be worried about us. And we took Ruka's car too!" Mikan stood up and stretched. "We should probably go back soon. I'm sorry I hogged your sleeping place by the way. You should've woken me up last night."

"It's fine." Not that Natsume minded anyway.

It was 8:15AM when they headed out. Natsume noticed Mikan hesitated as she looked back at the house.

"We'll come again next week," Natsume said. He opened the car door for her and patiently waited as she slowly made her way to the car.

Mikan nodded and silently got into the car. The drive back was only accompanied by the radio as Mikan dozed off throughout the journey.

"Hey, we're here," It was nearly 10AM when they reached the dormitory.

Natsume let out a small snort when she mumbled something incoherent.

"Breakfast? The others are already in the cafeteria."

"No, I think I'm gonna take a nap," she yawned. "I don't know why but I'm so tired."

Natsume did not want to overreact, but he was worried Mikan might fall back into her previous routines of oversleeping and not eating.

She noticed his silence and attempted to reassure him, "I'll see you at lunch, okay? Quit that face Natsume, a lot of people skip breakfast on Sundays," she lightly shoved his shoulder. "Tell the others I'll see them later."

Mikan gave a little wave and went up the stairs to her room.

When Natsume entered the cafeteria, he spotted Koko waving him over. He was sitting near the entrance with Ruka and Hotaru.

"Hey, man! I didn't know you had that shirt." Koko inquired.

Natsume was still wearing the t-shirt Mikan lent him under his own shirt that he left unbuttoned. He ignored Koko and went straight into the issue. "Mikan doesn't want to run anymore."

"What? Why? I thought everything went well?" Ruka asked, surprised. Did they all thought yesterday was a success because Natsume and Mikan didn't come back last night?

Natsume then told them everything that happened yesterday. Well, he did left out the intricate details of the birthday lunch, his multiple failed attempts of confessing and their time in Mikan's house. This was not the time for Koko to make a fool out of him. He focused on the visit to Mikan's mother and her reaction afterwards.

"She feels guilty," came Hotaru's verdict once he finished his retelling.

"Of?" Koko asked.

"Of moving on. Of finding a sense of happiness after her mother died. Maybe seeing the tombstone made her realise that feeling of guilt."

"She said running made her forget," Natsume said.

"Like forget the sadness?" Ruka didn't quite get it.

"But she also said she didn't want to forget?" Koko double checked with Natsume who nodded.

"She doesn't want to forget her mother. And right now, her mother is associated with feelings of sadness and grief," Hotaru said, matter-of-factly.

Everyone sighed.

"I promised I'd help." Natsume was determined to make sure Mikan would not waste all her efforts. He was determined to stay by her side.

"We all will," said Koko. Ruka solemnly nodded along.

This time, Hotaru asked instead of answering all their questions, "How?"

Her question brought the group into a pondering silence.

That was the thing about grief. Everyone feels it differently. There were so many ways to cope. The problem was, none of them had ever experienced it except Mikan.

* * *

**A/N:** My uni got closed due to the pandemic. Stay safe and practice social distancing, everyone!


	8. Then, Go

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to the brilliant Higuchi Tachibana, creator and of course, owner of Gakuen Alice.

**Author's Note:** It's been a while! Hope everyone stay safe during these times.

* * *

"Okay, here's the plan." Koko had gathered the gang to talk about Mikan. "The next time she goes back home, we'll join her!"

"Wouldn't that be invading her privacy, though?" Ruka asked. He didn't want to impose on something so private but at the same time he did want to keep his promise to remember Mikan's mother together.

Mikan had been returning to the city by herself during the past two weekends. Unlike the first time where Natsume drove her, she took Ubers alone without telling anyone of her leave. Not that Hotaru was particularly upset when they first found out, but she noticed Natsume became eerily quiet during her absence.

"Well, then we just have to ask her. If she wants us to join, then we will," she declared. The three of them turned their heads to Mikan and Natsume, who were in line to choose their food in the cafeteria.

After Natsume's reveal, Mikan seemed to hold herself pretty well, she went to classes as usual and seldom skipped meals. Another good thing was Mikan did not pick up smoking again, but now that she chose to stop running, she used a lot more nicotine patches than usual and felt a little agitated at times.

Meanwhile, Natsume scheduled his running to early mornings and evenings, and spent the rest of his time mostly with Mikan. The gang thought Natsume's feelings for her could not be any more obvious but it looks like Mikan was too preoccupied to notice.

As they all settled down, discussion of assignment for their History class ensued.

"So, we'll start on Saturday?" Ruka confirmed while everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Mikan?"

"Earth to Mikan?"

"Hm?" She snapped out of her thoughts.

"Is it cool if we start on Saturday?" Koko repeated.

"Oh, yeah sure...Saturday."

"You okay?" Natsume asked.

"Yeah, just a little tired." Mikan pushed her pasta around her plate. She didn't really feel like eating but her friends insisted since she had already skipped breakfast.

The truth was, Mikan felt homesick. Even though she just got back from the city yesterday, there was no one home and most of her allowance for this month was gone for Uber rides to and fro, Mikan felt a lot better than simply hanging in her dorm room alone. She wanted to go back home again as soon as class ended on Friday, but it looks like she'll have to make do with Saturday evening instead.

Ever since her birthday, all her classes seemed like a blur. She could barely understand a word of lecture and homework nights felt a lot like simply copying Natsume's answers. All she wanted was to be home. To just be closer to her mother. Some nights, Mikan pondered whether she should just transfer back to the city. But Uncle Kazumi was still gone for the long conference and she can't even think of a way to discuss that with him.

"Cool," Koko's voice interrupted her thoughts, "looks like our weekend is booked."

Hotaru rolled her eyes. "Yes, pure joy to be under the hot sun while waiting for Natsume to finish his run."

_Shit._ This Sunday was the 10K for 10K road run. It would be awful of her to skip supporting Natsume but the thought of not going back home this weekend pulled Mikan's heart.

Natsume had not brought up running ever since the visit to her home, though sometimes she felt like he wanted to. Every time they were dangerously close to the topic, she quickly scrambled for something else to talk about. But this time, there was no avoiding it. He had planned this for months now and it was bad enough Mikan had backed out from participating. Now the only thing she could do was support him.

Thankfully, the bell rang, signaling for their next class. Mikan promptly cleared her tray, quick to end this conversation.

* * *

"This week could not have been any longer," Mikan grumbled. She was feeling a little jittery and the walk back to the dormitory itself was too much of a chore for her.

Koko solemnly nodded. "Having Jinno as the last class of the week is not exactly a great way to start the weekend. And tomorrow we still have that stupid assignment for Noda!"

"Quit complaining, guys." Ruka tried to cheer his friends up. "We'll have fun on Sunday, come on!"

"Because waiting under the sun is so exciting," Hotaru panned. Mikan silently agreed. She imagined the comforts of her home and the cold air-conditioner repelling the outdoor heat.

However, Koko perked up at the prospect of a bright Sunday. "Let's go have ice cream afterwards! Natsume's gonna breeze through that run and it's compulsory to celebrate."

Natsume had left for practice after class and his departure was nothing less than awkward. While everyone bid him goodbye, Mikan merely stood there with no words to offer. He left her with a lingering gaze, making her feel as if their friendship was slowly fracturing.

She sighed heavily, feeling weary after that little episode and what was already a long day. Plus, the jittery sensation didn't help her mood either. As soon as they reached the dormitory, Mikan excused herself and went straight to her room.

Exhaustion overwhelmed her desire to smoke, so Mikan decided to save her nicotine patch and let sleep take over first.

* * *

It felt like only a few minutes had passed, but when Mikan woke up, her room was now drenched in orange, the sun slowly calling it a day.

She groaned. Napping in the evening always made her head pound. Her exhaustion had not let up and the jitteriness intensified as soon as she got out of bed. Mikan was sweating profusely, her shirt sticking to her skin.

Who knew withdrawal would be this hard? Thinking the patches would at least cease one issue, Mikan reached out for the box in her drawer. To make things worse, it was empty. "Fuck."

She restrained herself from screaming. It seemed silly to be this upset but she couldn't help feeling frustration creeping on her. As to combat her anger, Mikan harshly threw the empty box. It thwacked against the wall and landed lamely on the floor.

This did not satisfy her in any way. Despite sweating, she grabbed her jacket and went out of the door, slowly trudging to the convenience store.

At least the cold wind dried Mikan's sweat and cooled her temperature. The sun had finally settled, it was already dark when she reached the store.

The cashier softly greeted her. Mikan turned her head to acknowledge the employee, but something else had caught her eye.

Packs of Camel lined the cigarette-display board behind the cash register. Her hands were itching. She was starting to sweat again. The purpose of her being there was forgotten.

The cashier looked at her apprehensively. Mikan couldn't blame the poor employee, it was dark outside and she suspected she looked like a deranged person with hair sticking to her face and all the jumpiness building inside her. But right now this was the least of her concern. Right now, Mikan was having an inner battle of wills. She was having a silent staring match with the cigarette display. It was as if the packs of Camel were taunting her.

"Really, what's stopping me?" She thought to herself. Mikan had no regime to follow, no training to adhere to, she was free to do anything now. And just one cigarette is at least two patches worth...

"Mikan?"

Mikan jumped at her name. She had made a fool of herself and not just in front of anyone, it was Natsume. He glanced at the cigarette-display board and back at her.

As a front, she scrambled for anything nearby and slammed them at the counter. It turned out to be a Mars chocolate bar and a bag of Skittles.

Natsume raised his eyebrows. "Single receipt," he told the cashier. Mikan silently waited while he grabbed an energy drink. He lingered for a while at a nearby shelf and placed a box of 7mg nicotine patches along with her snacks.

_Ah, crap._ She had completely forgotten about the patches. Mikan couldn't say a word, she was too embarrassed he caught her falter. Considering the day she's going through, she offhandedly wished Natsume had chosen a higher dosage of patches.

The cashier silently packed their purchase and Mikan swore she heard the employee let out a breath when she went out of the store after Natsume. Did she really look like she was about to rob a goddamn convenience store?

"I texted you just now," Natsume spoke as they walked back to the academy. He was wearing his usual sports attire and uncapping the energy drink he bought.

"Oh?" Mikan patted her jeans and realised she accidentally left her phone in her room. "Sorry."

The remaining walk back was quiet. She didn't know what to say. Apologise for her stupid pretence just now? Wished him good luck for the run? The barrier between them was building rapidly and one of them had to break it down before it was too late.

But Mikan was still speechless while Natsume silently walked beside her.

Then, just as they were reaching the dormitory, he suddenly stopped. Though she was desperate to break the silence before, his next choice of words made her think maybe the quiet wasn't so bad after all.

"Mikan, you're falling back."

"What?"

"You're barely eating-"

Mikan's mind flashed the numerous times she pushed her food around her plate.

"-I know you go back on the weekends and sleep throughout-"

How? Had she really been that transparent?

"And at the store just now..."

For some reason, you name it - exhaustion, withdrawal, embarrassment, pride - Mikan grew defensive.

"Look, give it a rest, okay?" She pulled her jacket tighter around her. "I don't need you to analyse my every move and tell me where I'm going wrong. I'm doing fine on my own."

Natsume softly shook his head. He wasn't deterred by her harsh reply and Mikan didn't know how to turn off his never-ending persistence.

"I'm not smoking, I _am_ eating and sometimes I sleep on the weekends! What's wrong with any of that?"

"You're not happy."

"Excuse me?" She was shocked by his statement. Did he really just say that? After everything that happened on her birthday? "I can't be. I told you."

Natsume took a step closer to her. "Why not?"

Mikan took a step back. "You know why."

She didn't like where this conversation was going, so just like everything else she experienced these past weeks, she quickly shut it down. "That's enough, okay? I'm leaving."

Mikan left Natsume outside and hurriedly went up to her room. The barrier between them had been built and in this current state, there was no way to tear it down.

* * *

The next day, the gang instantly picked up that something had certainly happened between Natsume and Mikan.

Mikan refused to even look at his way and did her part of the assignment as best and fast as she could. Meanwhile, Natsume barely made any progress and kept shooting glances at her.

The atmosphere was downright uncomfortable and Koko silently thanked God they were at the library or he would burst into mindless chatter just to lighten things up.

Hotaru seemed amused while Ruka tried hard to focus on their work at hand. If they wanted to leave this situation as soon as possible, then they needed to wrap things up fast.

Apparently, Mikan had the same line of thought with Ruka. She was the second to finish after Hotaru and to his amazement, it was good work on her part.

Hotaru skimmed through her essay. "Looks like you work best on pressure," she taunted with a smirk.

Koko gave an awkward laugh while Mikan merely shrugged. Maybe she did work best on pressure; if pressure was a person with sharp red eyes who kept looking at her to make eye contact.

"Thanks," she collected the books she used as references and went to re-shelf them.

She sighed heavily for the umpteenth time. Now that last night's anger had subsided, Mikan just felt tired. She didn't think she could keep avoiding Natsume if they were planning to go support him tomorrow.

Mikan scowled. He was the only one who she told everything to. Why can't he just support her instead of constantly trying to change her mind?

Then, she heard someone approaching her. Thinking it was Natsume, Mikan spoke without looking.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore, okay?"

"About what?" To her surprise, it was Hotaru who replied.

"Uh, nothing?"

Hotaru rolled her eyes. "Right, all that tension just now was probably nothing."

"Keep it down, Hotaru," Mikan whispered. "We're in the library." She peeked over Hotaru's shoulder. The boys were busy talking at their table and no one spared them a glance.

Mikan took Hotaru's hand and brought themselves deeper between the bookshelves.

"Natsume and I, well, we had a little disagreement."

"A fight?"

"No! Wait- I don't know?"

Hotaru crossed her arms. "You clearly can't think straight. Come on."

She then went back to the table, leaving Mikan stupefied.

When Mikan finally had the sense to follow, the boys were looking up at Hotaru.

"Mikan and I are done, so we're leaving." Hotaru looked at Mikan, leading the rest of the boys to turn their heads too.

"Uh, yeah- um," she addressed Ruka, who was in charge of compiling their assignment, "If you need me to change anything, just text me."

Ruka nodded. He couldn't really ask them to stay since they had already done their part. Plus, he's been with Hotaru long enough to know not to stop her. Even Koko, who usually was quick to protest, didn't say a word this time.

Hotaru waited while Mikan scrambled for her belongings. She sneaked a glance before they left, and much to her chagrin, caught eyes with Natsume who was slightly frowning.

As soon as they were out of the library, Mikan let out a huge breath. "Thanks."

"Please, I was doing everyone a favour. You owe me."

"I do. Lunch?"

"Provided you tell me what happened."

"Ugh, fine."

* * *

Hotaru had an impassive face throughout Mikan's retelling. Mikan wondered if she lost interest halfway through listening but finished the story anyway over lunch.

"Just like I said, I don't think it was a fight. It's just that Natsume and I never argued before, you know? And now it's kinda weird." She finished, rather lamely.

Hotaru cleared her plate of salmon and wiped the edges of her mouth. "It didn't sound like an argument."

Mikan looked up from her plate in confusion. Hotaru took it as a queue to continue.

"It sounded like you got defensive for no apparent reason."

Mikan spluttered. "But-"

Hotaru raised her eyebrows, a silent message of 'See?'. Her look effectively shut Mikan up.

"And from the looks of it, he's not wrong." She gestured towards Mikan's plate.

The cutlery Mikan was holding had no purpose, she had barely touched her food.

For someone who rarely talked, Hotaru sure had a lot to say. "He was worried. He's allowed to. We're all allowed to. We're your friends, Mikan."

Meanwhile, Mikan was lost for words. She always hated ungrateful people. To think she let herself be one of those snobs.

"So, what do you want to do about it?"

The question felt like a challenge. But Mikan didn't have the will to fight. Not right now. She was just _so_ tired. "I want to go home."

"Then, go."

"But tomorrow's the run and-"

"Go. God knows you're not in the right state of mind right now. Just come later if you feel better then."

When Mikan kept still, Hotaru sighed and took out her phone. "There. I called an Uber. Now you owe me twice."

Mikan didn't know why, but she let out a small laugh. Even Hotaru had a slight smile on. "Thank you, Hotaru."

Ten minutes after she left for home, Ruka came into the cafeteria. "Where's Mikan?"

"I sent her away."

Ruka's bewilderment turned into worry. "Are you sure that's the right choice?"

"Well, that's pretty much up to her."

* * *

**A/N:** Chapter 8 is up! I promise things are tying up soon. Hope you're enjoying this so far and drop a review!


	9. You Are Allowed

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gakuen Alice. All rights belong to Higuchi Tachibana.

* * *

Mikan woke up to a blinding light shining on her face. As her eyes readjusted, she noticed it was already dark out. Had she really slept that long? The house was dark, the only light was coming from outside through the living room window.

Unfortunately, Mikan's Uber driver just now was the conversational type. She sat there listening to his never-ending stories and politely nodded whenever he paused. It pretty much drained the rest of her already depleted energy and as soon as Mikan unlocked the door to her house, she went straight to the couch and let sleep to fully engulf her.

Now, still groggy, she lifted herself from the couch and peeked through the window. Turns out, it was a head light of a car parked at the front porch. The driver's door opened - Mikan didn't know why she was so surprised - he was her only relative anyway: it was Uncle Kazumi.

In the dark, she haphazardly made her way to the door, her knee painfully clashed with the side table. Swearing, she placed her hand on the wall and searched for the damn light switch.

At the same time Mikan flicked the switch, Uncle Kazumi unlocked the door. He was wearing a dark blue suit, Mikan wondered if he drove here straight from work. He was also holding two bags of groceries.

"Hello, Mikan. It's good to finally see you again."

Mikan hadn't seen her uncle for almost a month now. She didn't even know that his conference had ended. The shock must be clearly evident on her face as her uncle said, "I was hoping this would be a pleasant surprise."

"Ye-yeah, of course!" She took one of the groceries and together, they went to the kitchen. "It's just that...how did you know I was here?"

She must have spoken too softly, Uncle Kazumi was busy unpacking the groceries. "You should wash up first. Then, we can make dinner together."

"Uh, okay?" Mikan grabbed her phone from the side table that she accidentally hit before and went up to her room. It was 7:45PM. Ignoring all the group chat texts, she received two personal text messages from Hotaru and Natsume.

**Hotaru:** "Oi, home yet?"

**Natsume:** "You okay?"

Mikan replied a thumbs up emoji to Hotaru. Then, she opened Natsume's text but hesitated to reply. Was she really okay? Her mind was still fuzzy from sleep and her uncle was downstairs waiting for her. She couldn't think. Mikan locked her phone and went to the bathroom instead.

She changed to a maroon sweater and slipped on a grey tracksuit. As Mikan went back to the kitchen, she tied her hair into a loose ponytail. Uncle Kazumi had removed his blazer and folded his sleeves up to his elbows. Her mind wasn't as muddled anymore, but Mikan still couldn't grasp the fact that her uncle was here. In the kitchen. About to cook dinner. It was an odd sight to behold.

Uncle Kazumi turned to Mikan. He nodded, seemingly pleased that Mikan had freshened up. "Shall we start making dinner, then? What do you feel like having?"

It was like a reflex. She instantly replied: "Noodle soup."

Her mother used to make noodle soup for Mikan every time she was upset about anything. It became her comfort food. Right now, she could really use some of that.

The two of them scanned the newly bought groceries, checking if they had the right ingredients for the dish. "We can make beef noodle soup, if you like."

Mikan nodded. Then, despite this being their first time cooking together, she and her uncle automatically fell into rhythm of preparation, as if they had always spend their time cooking together. Mikan started to wash the vegetables while Uncle Kazumi prepared to cut the beef he brought.

They didn't talk much, but there was no sense of awkwardness in the atmosphere. Just the sound of them cooking soothed Mikan. It was so unlike cooking with her mother. Cooking with Yuka was filled with talk and laughter. This time, Mikan liked the silence better. In a way, it felt like a special bonding moment with her uncle. It also felt like they were respecting her mother's presence.

She never thought Uncle Kazumi could cook. As she stirred the pot, the delicious smell of beef broth dancing around the kitchen, she thought how much she actually knew of him. She thought how much he actually knew of _her._ Did he know her more than she thought he did? Mikan suspected the ingredients were deliberately bought for this exact dish. Had her mother told him about these things?

Maybe Mikan was wrong. Maybe Uncle Kazumi wasn't much of a stranger than she thought he was. Or at least, maybe she doesn't want him to be a stranger anymore.

They left the kitchen and settled at the dining table. Mikan promised she would do the cleaning since Uncle Kazumi had mainly cook. At the first taste, she instinctively closed her eyes in pleasure. She felt the soup travel down her throat and warmed her stomach, leaving a trail of deliciousness. "This is really good, Uncle Kazumi!"

In return of her praise, he said, "I am aware."

Mikan chuckled. She never heard her uncle joke before. Or maybe he was just confident. Either way, it was the truth. The dish was _really_ good.

After a while, the small talk started. Mikan used to dread it. But tonight, their light conversation was like a nice complimentary dish. She asked about his conference. They talked about her classes. With every bite and slurp, Mikan's whole body warmed. Then, she asked her uncle again, "How did you know I was here?"

"I merely guessed." Uncle Kazumi answered simply. After a few swallows, he asked, "Did something happen?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Mr. Narumi told me a while back that you're in good hands with your group of friends. He also told you spend your free time training for runs with Mr. Hyuuga."

Mikan gaped at her uncle. "You kept tabs on me?"

Uncle Kazumi shook his head. "Mr. Narumi simply enjoys talking. Although I usually opt to ignore him, this time his topic of choice had caught my interest."

She supposed she couldn't really blame him. She never talked in detail about her friends and she certainly never told about running to her uncle- her guardian.

"I then received an unprompted email from Mr. Narumi, informing that while you still maintained a close friendship, you had opted out of running after a few good months of effort."

Mikan could only gawk. She was aware Mr. Narumi was a bit of a tattletale but she never thought he was beyond this!

Uncle Kazumi continued, "I was only able to put two together when I received a call from the cleaning service that a teenager was in the house."

So it was true. Her uncle had hired help to maintain this place. Mikan felt guilty all over again. She was the one who was supposed to keep this house in check.

She set her cutlery down. "I just wanted to be home."

"Understandable. But, if I may ask, why did you stop running?"

Mikan hesitated. They were having such a pleasant time. Mikan felt like she was slowly warming to her uncle; she didn't want to talk about this. But Uncle Kazumi was family. Out of all people, he would understand. Looking down at her bowl of soup, she softly said, "Running made me forget."

Just as Mikan hoped, he hummed in understanding. "I'm sure you wouldn't want to forget."

She looked up from her bowl, now feeling a little confident to share with his empathy. "I- I was so focused on other things that I never visited, and then when I did, I realised how far I was from the truth." _Mom's gone. I don't want to forget anymore._

As if Uncle Kazumi was a mind reader, he asked, "What do you not want to forget?"

Just like with Natsume, just like Hotaru had pointed out, Mikan rose to pointlessly defend herself. Wasn't the answer obvious? "That my mom's gone! That I was her only family - that I'm supposed to remember her!"

Uncle Kazumi wasn't taken aback by her sudden burst; he simply nodded. He didn't say anything in return, so the room only rang with her outburst. Mikan took this opportunity to control her breathing. _In through the nose, out through the mouth._ She reminded herself of Hotaru's advice. _We're all allowed to. We're your friends, Mikan._ And this was her uncle. Her guardian. He had the biggest right to be worried for her.

Uncle Kazumi's eyes wandered around the room, patiently waiting for her to calm herself.

Now that her temper subsided, she was only left with remorse. "I'm sorry."

His blue eyes continued to look around. Then, his gaze stopped at a frame on one of the cabinets. It was a picture of a 6-year-old Mikan and Yuka. They were laughing at the camera. Mikan's two front teeth were missing.

"Your mother, she was a very strong woman." he said. "Although we rarely meet, she and I used to correspond quite often. She spoke very highly of you."

The picture next to it was a 10-year-old Mikan donning her new school uniform. She remembered, at 13, she hated that she used to wear her hair in pig tails and wanted to take that picture down. Yuka insisted, saying she was proud that she had such an adorable daughter. "I didn't know."

"Well, I wasn't around very much, wasn't I? I apologise for that. But when you came to the hospital on that fateful day, it was the first time I saw you all grown up. It was then I truly understood what Yuka had been telling me all these years."

Their eyes met. Her uncle's eyes were clear. "It was you who made her strong, Mikan."

Her eyes started to blur. "Me?" She couldn't believe it. Mikan never thought herself as strong.

"Yes. When your father passed, although she was clearly sad, it made her love for you become much more fiercer. You brought hope to her. You made her very happy."

Mikan couldn't remember the time when her father passed- she was far too young then. But she remembered her time with her mother. It was like her mind was on time lapse, she could see all their memories. Together. Happy.

Then she remembered her time in the academy. Her uncle. Her friends. Natsume.

How could she not notice it herself? She really was falling back.

The distancing, the constant tiredness, the urge to smoke again.

How did Natsume see all the signs but not herself? She grew ashamed, lashing out at him when he was just trying to help. Then ignoring him the next day when he clearly wanted to communicate.

Natsume was always helping. Even when she didn't want to run anymore, he persisted to help through other means. Had she really overlooked this, just to wallow in self pity? And with so much of his help, she had the audacity to dread supporting him run that marathon? Mikan felt disgusted with herself now.

_But… But…_

Mikan's thoughts were cut by Uncle Kazumi. For the second time, it was like he was a skilled mind reader. "You are allowed to do both, Mikan. You can still remember your mother and enjoy other things. It doesn't mean you are forgetting."

"But- who would mourn for her then?"

"I don't believe your mother would want you to continuously mourn for her. She would want you to live your life," he smiled. "Maybe as a respect to her. Yuka would not have wanted to see her only daughter like this."

"I never thought of it that way." Mikan had never lost someone before her mother. She thought once a loved one was gone, the living must always mourn. She understood now that this was still true, though to an extent. The living must also live their lives. To make their loved one proud. _I am allowed to do both._

She thought running made her forget. But it had made her _live. _And that made her scared.

But she doesn't want to be scared anymore. She wanted to remember. And now, she also wanted to live.

They sat there in comfortable silence. They continued to look around the house that was filled with so much memories. Regrettably, Uncle Kazumi wasn't included in the happy times Mikan spent with her mother. But it didn't matter. It was time for them to create new memories. It was time for Mikan to move forward. Now, she wanted new memories to accompany the old ones.

Uncle Kazumi was family- he really did understand. Looking down at her empty bowl of soup, she softly said, "Thank you, Uncle...Kazu."

"Kazu?" Uncle Kazumi inquired.

"Yeah, it's a nickname," Mikan smiled, "Is that okay?"

Uncle Kazu gave a fond smile. "Yes. I think I quite like it."

* * *

It was almost 11PM when they cleared the table. Mikan was washing the dishes while Uncle Kazu wiped the dining table. It was already late, but Mikan was resolved on this decision.

She felt like this was a new step for her to take. "Hey, Uncle Kazu," she started, "I know it's late but I need to go back to the academy tonight."

He stopped to look at her. Mikan seemed to burn with new determination. She clearly had something in mind. It didn't take long for him to concede. "Very well, then. I'll drive you."

Mikan quickly took her phone and bag from the couch while Uncle Kazu started the car. She locked the door behind her and stopped to look at her home. Instead of hesitating her leave, she smiled. "We should come back next time."

Uncle Kazu nodded. "With more groceries."

The road was clear and the drive was smooth. When they reached her dormitory, Mikan said, "I'm sorry we didn't do this soon enough." It was her fault she'd been distancing from him.

"Nevertheless, I am glad it was tonight of all days." Uncle Kazu smiled.

She opened the door and was about to bid goodbye. Then, for the third time - Mikan was now convinced her uncle really was a mind reader. "All the best for tomorrow, Mikan."

She ran up the stairs but instead of stopping at her floor, she went to the one above hers. Mikan walked with a sense of purpose, determined to see him. She reached the end of the hall and knocked three times on the door to her right.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you so much for the kind reviews! The next one will be the last chapter, so do stay tuned. In the mean time, drop some words? xx


	10. What Makes You Strong?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gakuen Alice. All rights belong to Higuchi Tachibana.

**Author's Note: **Here's the last chapter guys! I really do hope I did some justice on this ending. Enjoy!

* * *

It was almost midnight. Natsume was supposed to be asleep by now if he wanted to be well-rested for tomorrow's marathon. However, the thing that was keeping him up was the hope for Mikan's reply. He wanted to know if she was okay. His thumbs were hovering on his phone, trying to think of words to say in reply to her blatant disregard of his question. The 'Read at 7:45PM' under his text bubble was a laugh of mockery.

He ran his hand through his hair. Was this karma for himself being a bad texter? He always never bothered to reply to his friends' texts and now, he's receiving his punishment by being ignored by the one girl he had ever liked in his whole life. Was a simple emoji so hard? He'd be pacified now if she just sent him a single thumbs up or thumbs down.

It was past midnight. Natsume was about to give up when he heard three raps on his door. He was only wishing for a reply, but he got something better instead. He opened his door to see Mikan expectantly waiting.

Instantly pleased but not above teasing, he wryly said, "You left me on read."

"I know," she replied, unfazed. "I wanted to reply to you in person."

He opened his door wider and she took it as permission to enter. Mikan had never been in his room despite him being in her's multiple times (usually to wake her up). He kept his room very simple. Navy fitted sheets enveloped his bed with a few medals hung above the headboard. The wardrobe was slightly ajar, allowing a glimpse of hanged clothes and folded ones stuffed below. His study table was brimmed with textbooks, leaving little space for him to even write on the desk. She saw a History textbook propped open with a halfway written paper. She was instantly reminded of their day at the library.

Mikan faced Natsume who had just closed his door. "I'm sorry," she abruptly said. "I shouldn't have lashed out at you and then deliberately ignored you. That was really shitty of me."

He didn't care for her apology. She still hasn't answered his question. "You didn't say if you were okay."

"I thought I was, but I really wasn't. I know you've been trying but it took my uncle to help me realise that."

Natsume sat down on his bed and patted the space beside him; Mikan obliged. She told him what happened with her uncle. She ended her tell with: "I'm sorry, Natsume."

He really wanted to take her hand. "It's fine. I wished I was there for you."

"But you were! You _are. _You're always trying to help and it was stupid of me to push you away."

"You are kinda stupid," he mocked. Natsume wasn't sure how much more he should lay out his feelings for her. Looks like subtle context was not easy for Mikan.

She laughed and playfully bumped her shoulder with his. Now, he really wanted to kiss her. "There's something else," she added. "I want to run tomorrow."

"No."

She was stunned. She thought he would be glad to hear this.

"You're not fit to run 10km. We skipped the regime and you haven't been training for almost a month now. It's going to physically cost you."

"Then I'll go slow! Look, it doesn't matter if I win or not, I just want to run."

"We can join other runs. I don't want this to overwhelm you."

"It won't. I need this, Natsume. Just this one time, I need to run and see a finish line," she implored. Mikan knew Natsume couldn't control her, but she still wanted his support.

He looked into her eyes, curious for an answer. "Why?"

"It's a step for me to move forward."

She was filled with determination he had never seen before. Even seeing her like this made him happy. Despite being worried, another part of him knew that even if he'd disagree, she would still do it anyway. After a few moments of pondering silence, he sighed in resignation. "There's going to be a walk-in registration."

"Yes!" She stood up from his bed and walked to the door.

"We need to get there early," he called to her back.

"Well then, I'll see you tomorrow morning." The door clicked, signaling Mikan's leave. Natsume lay on his bed, wondering if it would be so bad if he requested a kiss in return of his support for her.

* * *

Mikan woke up at the break of dawn. She was aware of Natsume's concern last night but she was still determined to run. She needed this for herself. And even if she got tired, she'll jog - hell, Mikan will power walk her way through to get to the finish line. Whatever it takes, Mikan believed every step to the finish line is an achievement for her.

She slipped on her running shoes and wore a jacket on top of her sport attire. When she descended the stairs to the common lounge, she was pleasantly surprised to see not only Natsume, but also Koko, Hotaru and Ruka.

"There she is!" Koko called while stifling a yawn.

"I thought you guys were coming later?"

"Well, Natsume told us last night you were participating, so we decided to drive there together," Ruka smiled. "Knowing Natsume, he'll probably make you run to the marathon."

Mikan suspected they actually wanted her to preserve her energy for the actual run. As they walked to Ruka's car, the two girls fell back from the group. "Thank you for yesterday, Hotaru." After all, if Hotaru didn't call the Uber ride for her, Mikan may not have even gone home.

"You still owe me. And I didn't wake up this early just to see you give up halfway, remember that." Hotaru sent Mikan a sideway glance and smirked.

The drive there didn't take long and Mikan successfully registered with several other last minute participants. When she received her number, there was still 30 minutes to spare. The male category will start first, followed by the female category 15 minutes after.

Like all the other participants, Natsume and Mikan used the extra time to stretch their muscles and they did warm ups to prepare their body. He also repeatedly explained to her the route of the run, highlighting that there will be a hill 1km away before the finishing line. It was important for them to pace themselves and control their speed especially during the descent. Mikan took it all in and promised to try her best.

Later, an announcement came from the speakers, calling for the male participants to the starting line. The gang accompanied Natsume and wished him luck. Koko and Ruka patted him on the back, believing that this will be a breeze for him. But Natsume was still occupied with Mikan. When he opened his mouth to spur more advice, she cut him off. "Focus, Natsume. I'll be fine. And I won't forgive you if you fall back."

Natsume smirked. "I'll see you at the finishing line, then."

The male category started, leading the way. Some of the female participants were already on stand by at the starting line. With Natsume now gone, Koko and Ruka took over his job and started fussing over Mikan, giving words of encouragement and making sure she was hydrated. Hotaru rolled her eyes at the shenanigan before her, but Mikan knew Hotaru's presence itself was a great show of affection.

And the time finally came, it was now for her to run. Mikan wasn't sure what exactly was waiting for her 10km away, but she knew it was a start. This made her all the more determined to meet the finish line. The starting pistol fired, a loud bang signaling kick off. And like every other participant, Mikan started with a jog, preserving her energy for later.

The wind caressed her face, her ponytail bouncing behind her. Mikan sped past a crowd of runners, eager to claim her own space - only to be tangled in another crowd. After the first kilometer, the runners slowly dispersed, some speeding and few slowing but each focusing on their own tempo and Mikan felt she could control her breathing better now that everyone had set their own pace.

She looked around, they were running at a sidewalk, some cars had slowed down to eagerly watch as they drove past her. A few even honked to show their support. Mikan was reminded of the city. She loved the noise of cars passing, sirens blaring and every other sound the city offered. It was as if a gentle song, a reminder of her childhood, a reminder of her home. And now, Mikan added the sound of the wind humming by her ears as another favourite. But it wasn't as much of a lullaby than an anthem. The sound roused a feeling of determination and encouragement at the same time. These two combinations made her quicken her pace.

She passed the end of the sidewalk, following a road leading to a housing neighbourhood. Mikan wasn't quite sure how far she had run until she saw a banner showing '**3KM: GREAT JOB!**" She felt her pace was still good, and focused on controlling her breathing. Natsume and her had done runs like this various times and she knew she could do it this time.

But when Mikan reached the 5km mark, a month's worth of lost training was finally coming to her. A few other participants were running past her now. But it didn't matter; she didn't join to win. She only wanted to see the finishing line. That was all that mattered to her.

Mikan readjusted her pace, becoming much slower. Every pounding step was causing a shock to her body. She looked down and saw the shoes Natsume had given her for her birthday. Although she was still unsure what was beyond the finishing line, she knew she wanted to see Natsume at the end. She wanted to prove him wrong, to make him proud. She wanted to show her mother that she's okay now. No matter how much she missed her mother, Mikan was still living her life.

She understood now. She was determined to fill the space for her mother until she forgot her heart was so much bigger. She was so eager to fill the space with - what? The reminder of her death? The jarring fact that her mother was no longer with her? It was these things that made her forget. She was so fixated by her mother's death that she had forgotten all their loving, precious memories together. All the times she was actually happy.

Mikan's leg felt like it was slowly becoming lead. But she had to move forward. Even if her mother wasn't here anymore - as cliche as it sounded - she knew now her mother was looking out for her. Why else had Yuka sent Uncle Kazu? He was not just a random next-of-kin. He was a guardian, someone Mikan now can seek advice from. And though Uncle Kazu was nothing like her mother, that was the best part. Their polar traits didn't feel like her uncle was replacing her mother. It felt like an addition. A welcome of a new family member. Mikan promised to spend more time with Uncle Kazu, to get to know him better. To be with family. And she reminded herself to thank him for suggesting to transfer.

Mikan's breathing was starting to reach out of her control. Her lungs were forcefully appeasing the need for oxygen. But she persevered, because she knew her friends were waiting for her. Koko who so easily took her in his arms and became her first friend in the academy. Ruka and his overflow of kindness. Hotaru, always an edge to her words but only close friends knew they were all actions of care. And Natsume. Natsume who maybe saw something in her that very night of their first meeting. Mikan had never met someone who so insisted on helping her. She was still ashamed of pushing him away, but as always, Natsume understood her. He always paid attention to her, especially when she wasn't paying attention to herself.

The road started to feel higher. Mikan realised she was going uphill now. She was so close to the finishing line, so close to Natsume. She remembered his advice, and even though her lungs were burning and her legs were starting to drag, Mikan didn't stop. Not yet. She could see a string of runners in front of her and hear steady breaths behind her. She did the same. Every time she closed her eyes, she was reminded of the beautiful memories of Yuka. Then, Uncle Kazu cooking in the kitchen. Ruka dutifully driving them everywhere. Koko's acting bits. Hotaru's condescending remarks. Natsume running. Her head resting on Natsume's shoulder. Even in such a breathless state, Mikan smiled. Then, she grinned when she reached the top and started to make her way down. She was so close now.

It was painful. The stitch on Mikan's side was tearing her apart. But at the same time the pain made her feel alive. And that was something she hasn't felt in a long time. And right now, in honour of Yuka, Mikan vowed to always keep herself and her memories alive.

Uncle Kazu told that Mikan made her mother strong. She was surprised by this bit, believing Yuka was always impenetrable - she really was, Mikan rarely saw her anything other than happy. A question rose from herself, Mikan had been thinking of an answer before she got to bed last night.

She safely descended the hill, breathing hard, her throat begging for water, her muscles screaming, but the finishing line was just right there. So close. Just a little more. And though her sweat was obscuring her sight, she could make out 4 people waving at her, calling her name. Beckoning her to reach the end. The beginning. A new start.

The minute she reached the finishing line, her friends ran to her and took her to the side. Of course, she didn't win but with Koko chanting her name, Ruka grinning, Hotaru smiling and Natsume steadying her - it felt like she won something better. Bravely, Mikan hugged Natsume, terribly glad she made it to the end and extremely delighted he returned her sentiment.

"Yeah, you two sweaty people hug it out and only come near me after you take a long shower." Koko jokingly pinched his nose, cringing at their smell.

Hotaru stood the furthest from Natsume and Mikan. "You're the one sitting at the back with them."

They all followed her lead to the closing ceremony, Mikan and Natsume still hanging on to each other. Amongst the feeling of success and laughter with her friends, Mikan was reminded again of her burning question - now with a definite answer:

"What makes you strong, Mikan?"

_The memories of my mother, my family, my friends, myself. I make myself strong. _

* * *

After the run, as Koko had suggested and then desperately begged, they did go for ice cream. But they only had take-away - Mikan's sense of euphoria was slowly enshrouded by her aching body. Natsume knocked Koko's head and insisted they re-celebrate at a later time.

Mikan had already slept her exhaustion away. And now although her muscles still ached, she felt very restless. Her sheer happiness of finishing the race was coming back to her. On top of that, she felt very jumpy and was sweating again. _And _she was hungry. Unfortunately, dinner time at the cafeteria had already passed. She was too busy sleeping to wake up for food.

Mikan took her jacket and went out of her room. But instead of descending the stairs, her aching legs went up and brought her straight to the end of the hall. She probably should've texted him first, but she really just wanted to see him.

Just like last night, Mikan knocked on Natsume's door three times. The answer was immediate - as if he was expecting - he didn't look surprised at her sudden arrival, Natsume looked very satisfied instead.

"Hey," she breathed, feeling extra shaky looking at his handsome features, all sharpened by his small smile. The memory of her shamelessly hugging him just now made her suddenly nervous.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just- um-"

"You're sweating."

Mikan nodded. "And my hands and feet feel all tingly."

"It's the last bit of withdrawal." Mikan didn't think that was the only reason anymore but she simply nodded again in agreement. "Weather's good outside," he said simply. Mikan understood this was an indirect invitation for a night run.

She didn't feel like running, not with her legs forcefully dragging her. But she really wanted to be with him right now, for whatever reason. So, she compromised, "How about a walk?"

He went back to his room, leaving the door open and she followed him inside. It was a lot more tidy than last night, like he was expecting a guest. Mikan noticed a new addition of the medal he had won from the run just now. Natsume put on his windbreaker on top of his dark green t-shirt and slipped his running shoes on.

They voiced no plans on which way to go, but it didn't matter - they both already knew. The cold air helped with drying Mikan's sweat and Natsume's calm presence beside her muted the tingle on her fingertips and toes. Side by side, they talked of their run, describing every feeling throughout each kilometer and the pleasure of reaching the end. Although Natsume's version was far less painful than Mikan's, she felt like she understood the reason he joined any marathon he saw. The sight of the finishing line was an indescribable feeling of pride and joy.

They reached the unvoiced destination: the convenience store. The store may be the last place where people would celebrate after a day of success, but it felt fitting for the pair to be here after such an eventful day. After all, this was the place where everything started for them. The bell jingled softly when Mikan pushed the door, and she was glad it was another employee who greeted them instead of the one she met the last time she was here.

She bought bread, snacks and bottled juice. Not exactly a full meal, but being with Natsume made her feel a lot less hungry than before, as if her stomach was already full with something else - she didn't quite understand it herself. Natsume took his usual energy drink and granola bar. This time, Mikan paid for the both of them. They stood outside the store, enjoying both each other's presence and food.

Now, with a satisfied stomach, Mikan felt replenished energy coming to accompany her euphoria. It was a very good feeling. Throwing her plastic away, she said, "Thank you."

Natsume turned to look at her. His silence beckoned her to elaborate. Just like that day, the lights from the store illuminated him in such a magical way.

"Thank you for helping me. When you said you'd help, it was the first time I realised I needed it. I've been unknowingly distancing with everyone but you were the only person who insisted. Then, well, you know, I pushed you further-" Mikan was aware she's rambling but she couldn't stop, "-but you still didn't stop and that means a lot to me. Then, everything seemed to just open up," she was looking down at her hands the whole time and now looked up to his soft crimson eyes. They were like cool lava and something else she couldn't exactly place at the moment. "I have friends again, a family and I feel so much healthier. And you, well, I feel..." she stopped lamely.

Natsume set his drink down and took Mikan's hands into his. He softly replied, "That was all your doing."

Mikan felt her cheeks turning warm, and not due to the exertion. Natsume was so close and the motion of his thumbs on her palm made her blush. "Thank you." She didn't know what she was thanking for anymore, her mind was so occupied by Natsume's hands.

It was at this exact moment, Natsume realised he had been thinking too much. How to tell her? How to implicitly show how much he cared for her? It was so easy, he finally discovered. It didn't require much thought; just instincts. He thought taking her hand would be nerve-wracking, but it brought him a sense of peace instead. And with new found ease, he teased, "I expect something in return, though."

Mikan's eyes filled with benign wonder. Never had he seen such beautiful brown eyes, and he also never thought these brown eyes could turn him into such a lovesick fool. Her lips were just right there, slightly parted, her cupid's bow innocently beckoning him. Natsume slowly leaned in - as if testing the waters - wishing, hoping Mikan wouldn't react badly to him. She didn't. She gave a small smile and shifted herself closer too.

They met each other halfway, their lips performing a slow caress but their hearts reacting so vigorously. The sensation spread such a warm feeling to the very end of their nerves. Who knew a soft kiss could be this invigorating? Unable to keep his feelings at bay, Natsume smiled into Mikan's lips.

"What?" She murmured to his lips.

He slightly moved away, but still very close to share the same breath. "You taste like cigarettes."

Mikan swiftly pulled away, embarrassed of herself giving such a disgusting taste. Those novels always wrote kisses tasted like strawberry or some other shit. "Shit, I'm sorry- I swear I haven't been smoking!"

He shook his head and smiled. "It'll always take a while for the residue to go away. Plus, it was only a little." Natsume pulled Mikan closer - so much closer, she could see the darker specks in his cool red eyes, his hand tugged a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and rested on her left cheek. "I really like you, Mikan."

"Really?" She felt so breathless.

"Yes. And I'd like to kiss you again."

Mikan nodded, closed her eyes and leaned in once again. Natsume basked in the beauty that was Mikan's red cheeks and long lashes before meeting her lips halfway.

The employee in the store was probably shocked with the free show, but Natsume really couldn't care less. He had won countless medals and trophies, but this, this was the best prize he had ever won. And it was his damn right to celebrate it.

* * *

"Thanks for coming, guys."

"You really don't have to say that every time we come here, Mikan." Hotaru walked directly behind Ruka who was carefully navigating the muddy track, while the others struggled to avoid the puddles scattered along the walk. She stepped after Ruka's calculated steps, allowing her heels to remain impeccably clean. Meanwhile, Mikan's sole was starting to stick with mud. The backseat of Ruka's car would be disastrous later.

It was always raining these past few days, the ground turned soft, the weather was cold and the air had the constant smell of petrichor. Time went by pretty fast since her very first marathon and a lot of things were changing for Mikan. But this time, she embraced the change.

She almost slipped on a mass of wet leaves, only to be saved by Natsume's hands in hers. They did that a lot these past months - not the almost falling, but the holding hands. Mikan smiled at Natsume, silently thanking him for his save by squeezing her boyfriend's hand. He gently squeezed back. It sent a flutter of joy in her heart. _Okay, maybe also the falling._

Finally, they stopped in front of the tombstone. They cleared the fallen leaves away and Koko set down a bouquet of flowers they brought. The five of them paid their respects silently shoulder to shoulder, wishing the afterlife would always remain beautiful and peaceful for Yuka Sakura. This wasn't the first time for the five of them to pay their respects, but today was certainly an important day. It had been exactly a year since Mikan's mother had passed. Mikan felt a severe sadness when she woke up in the morning, but today, they decided to do something special in respect to her mother.

The others left for the car first, leaving Mikan some time alone with her mother. She touched the tombstone. Despite the cold weather, it was warm. "I miss you, mom. But I'm doing okay - I'm sure you know that. Uncle Kazu's really sorry he couldn't see you today, you know, work and all that. But he promised to come by later. Things aren't easy without you but I'm trying. I always will. I love you." She prayed once more before standing to leave. Natsume was patiently waiting for her by Ruka's car and Mikan gave him a sad smile. He opened his arms and without hesitance, she hugged him tight, feeling his warmth enveloped her. She felt a soft kiss on her temple and buried herself deeper in his arms. "Let's go." Natsume opened the car door and Mikan slid in next to Koko.

Koko, who had been shamelessly looking at their public display of affection, voiced his opinion. "You know, I don't mind the PDA but can you just keep it minimal? I mean, Hotaru and Ruka never do all those lovey-dovey stuff in front of us."

Ruka laughed while backing up the car and Hotaru continued whatever she was doing on her phone. "God forbid."

"That was minimal and you didn't have to look, dumbass." Natsume knocked Koko's head over Mikan who was slightly blushing. When Natsume and Mikan started dating, the gang was pleased that Natsume's effort finally came into fruition. However, Koko was upset about being the fifth wheel of the group and apparently was still feeling so. "It's not a good feeling, I tell you," he confessed to Mikan a few days back.

Ruka drove to Mikan's house and they brought in the groceries they had bought beforehand. Just like the visit to her mother's grave, this wasn't the first time her friends came here. A lot of Friday nights were spent here with movies, snacks and sleepovers in the living room. In a way, it became a second home to them and Mikan enjoyed the company of her friends in her house. And then on Sundays Mikan spent time with Uncle Kazu. Sometimes they went out but most of the times they were home - cooking together helped create a strong bond between the two of them.

And today, today was special. Everyone Mikan grew to love will be under the same roof, enjoying each other's company and remembering her mother together. Uncle Kazu promised to come later tonight, so it was the teenagers duty to prepare dinner. The progress was slow - they played around too much but by the time the sun was setting, they successfully made several main dishes without any serious injuries. Just as Ruka and Natsume set down the plates, Uncle Kazu unlocked the door along with a box of cake. "For dessert," Uncle Kazu said as a greeting.

Mikan hugged her uncle before taking the cake aside. Her friends shook hands with the principal. Although everyone had met in passing at the academy before, the presence of their principal still needed time to get used to, especially for Natsume. When Uncle Kazu found out Natsume was dating Mikan, he seemed a lot more serious whenever Natsume was around. It made Natsume feel very unsettled, which Hotaru blithely thought was the principal's exact intention. Even now, as the two of them shook hands, everyone could see Natsume's apparent submission to the strong force of Uncle Kazu's look.

"How are you, Mr. Hyuuga?"

"Very well, Principal Yukihira. And you?"

Uncle Kazu ignored Natsume's question and countered instead, "Are you treating Mikan well?"

"I- uh,"

Mikan swooped in, saving Natsume by taking hold of the two men and bringing them to the dinner table. She sat in between them, a sign of diplomacy. "Now, now, play nice, Uncle Kazu."

Hotaru, Ruka and Koko shared a moment of silent mirth and joined them on the other side of the dinner table. Uncle Kazu led a small prayer. He thanked for the meal, for the precious time they were spending together and for the opportunity of remembering Yuka Sakura.

The food tasted wonderful, pleasant conversation laced the air alongside the delicious smell of their cooking and the sound of light rain from the open window. Mikan looked at each and every face around her, all smiling and enjoying themselves (though to her right Natsume was still fidgeting every time Uncle Kazu addressed him). She then looked at the pictures around the house, it brought a sense of nostalgia. It really felt like her mother was here with them. And although thinking about her mother, especially today, brought a deep sense of sorrow, it also amplified her contentment to have these wonderful people around her. And feeling both happy and sad at the same time was okay. Everything was just well and at this moment, it was enough.

* * *

**A/N:** And this story has come to an end...this is my first ever fic and I never thought writing this would bring me a sense of new found happiness. I thank everyone who encouraged me with such positive reviews and also those who followed and favourite this story.

I know that coping with death of a loved one and the devastation that comes with it is not as easy as my story has portrayed. But I do hope that anyone who resonates with Mikan know that help is everywhere around you. Furthermore, I'm no running expert. I did do some research, though if anything in the details were wrong, do forgive me.

I hope you enjoyed this story as much I enjoyed writing it. Drop me a last review, maybe? Haha, until next time, then. _Jumpa lagi!_


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